Sunday 12 April 2015

my lost Elsa

"I hv lost my Elsa."  She said after a while. I Looked at her intently, waiting for her to continue. she looked very calm for someone who has had so much bottled up inside. She said nothing for a long time.
"How?"  I asked quietly. She looked at me with blank eyes for about 3 seconds and then as if she suddenly remembered the topic of discussion, replied to me. "There was a storm. Kind of tsunami. It wasn't unexpected but it was bigger than we had thought. Much bigger and stronger. We were holding hands. Me n Elsa. I was holding her hand really tight. You see she was very dear to me. But when the storm hit us hard I realized that She was holding someone elses' hand too."
She looked at me like she expected me to be surprised, so i faked the surprise and made a small o with my mouth. She seemed to be happy that I am following the exact emotions. She continued "Yeah she was and it was dragging us down. So i tried to tell her that she should let go. It was mere baggage, i knew. Elsa was in habit of dragging extra baggage. But she refused to let go. The storm was very rough, we both were numb. I remember being tired. Very tired. There is a chunk i dont exactly remember because i think i had dozed off. I felt so light, it occurred to me that Elsa might have let the other hand go. I felt so light and happy." The memory of that time spread across hr face and i could tell that each word of hers was true.
"What happened next?"i couldn't keep curiosity out of my voice.
"well" her voice was distant. " I guess I woke up one day to see that she was still holding the other hand and all of a sudden i realized that i am not floating anymore. I was drowning and choking and i couldn't breath. I looked at Elsa and i thought maybe she will see it this time but she was so calm, so unconcerned and that was when i realized that she will never let go of the other on my accord." She hung her head down for a while but only for a while. She looked so sad and dejected that i started to feel sorry for her. But when she looked up she had a light in her eyes.
"Didn't you request her again?" I asked eagerly.
"No. I knew it was a lost cause so i let go. I let go of her hand even though I wasn't sure whether she or i will survive that. "
"Have you?"
"I dnt know. I havnt found a shore yet. I am lost in an ocean but at least  no one is dragging me down nor am i. I do have rough patches though where i barely make it but m here...aren't i?
"Dont u miss Elsa?" Somehow it made me sad.
"I do." She said with impatience. "Of course i do. I stumble a lot and whenever i do, i miss her th most because i used to reach out for her. I miss everything but i try to cherish that time rather than getting upset over it."
" Will you be ok?"
"Of course i will be. We all learn to live. I will too.maybe it will take sometime but hey whose counting, right?" she laughed cheerfully.
"DO u know what Fitzgerald said, doctor? HE said 'there are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice."
She was smiling. I couldn't say anything. She gave me a lesson, unknowingly.
Bell rang. The session was over.

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