Thirty seconds

You remember what you said on a day when the road we were walking on was covered in perfumed mist? You were restless, unsure of your words and your intentions ... we were, after all, in a dream. We didn’t anticipate this journey. "Who bonded us in this moment together?" You and I wondered when the first of the rain drops hit our faces. We searched frantically for a shelter before taking refuge under that huge oak tree. The tree head full of green leaves over our heads like a canopy; filtered through those leaves came the raindrops and struggling sunlight. It was raining on a sunny day.. Rain had met Sun.. you had met me.

Your confusion at finding yourself stranded with me was so apparent. The way you shoved your hands in the pockets of your jeans, the way you leaned back against the tree trunk, the way you concentrated so hard on the little sparrow who had just landed on the ground nearby and the way you blushed under my stare. I had never seen a man blush before, it brought a mischievous smile on my face. I did little to hide my amusement as the redness reached your earlobes.

Our conversation hung heavy between us but neither was ready to initiate it. Hundreds and thousands of tiny details just lurked around us; we chose silence.

The sun and the rain decided to leave together; tired of waiting for us to choose either or both. Mist settled in and we started walking. Your eyes on the road. I glanced at you and what caught my eye were your long black eyelashes. They made peering into your eyes a challenge. ‘If I had these beautiful eyelashes, I would stop complaining about half of the things in my life’- I succumbed to the way they guarded the shyness in your eyes. I knew then that you would always choose silence but I didn't want to look back to silence. I knew it would be too heavy on my heart. It would be too exhausting to stop regretting not saying the words. So I spoke and in return you said those words that I carved on my soul. I don’t know if you saw the way my eyes got bigger and rounder in surprise and a smile tugged at the corner of my lips. This was your personal best, wasn’t it?

Walking on a long , straight , empty road with the stranger girl who had met by chance and knew you’d never see her face again. I didn't even mind that the words were not your own but it humbled me that the words reminded you of me.

“you know if i never see your face again, I will remember.”

Thirty seconds of togetherness and then we stepped into reality again.

Oh my moment.

Leaving a part of me here in Passu - as always!!
What is it about this very spot that grips me so tight? Probably the fact that its so so far away from all the chaos of real world or may be its that very first look at Passu after dawn. The pull of this place is so strong, it makes all the distance worthwhile. 500 kilometers of dreaming until you reach this point, to live in this moment.
oh Passu, did God cast a loving glance at you after your creation because this magic is divine.  Your charm untouched, your spell inhumane. Why do I feel that if I climb on top of the mountain cone, I'd find God on the other side? nearer .. a touch away only..
Even in this moment when I am sitting alone in this cloudy morning in the middle of Karakoram Highway, HE is smiling down on me. I can feel his love seeping into my bones , making me glow ... I feel connected to Him , almost as if He is cradling my fragile self , rocking me into a bliss that was unheard of before this very instance. He knows that it has been days since I have properly prayed but my heart beats in rhythms that praise him, worship him, acknowledge him and surrender to him.. He knows that I am a darvish and my beloved is him but to make my soul dance, We both have to meet in Passu , at dawn.
These moments that are passing by are so precious. When will there be completeness like this ever again? Me, this perfumed air, the faint sound of  a distant river, Passu cones half covered in mist and God - smiling down on me..
Oh my beautiful moment, I wish I knew enough magic to crystallize you , fill you with light radiating from my core and keep you safe in a jar full of fireflies.
I will always cherish you and be grateful to you for choosing me as your person from among a world full of lovers, dreamers, charmers, leaders, pious and rich.. Thank you for opening yet another window for me; for aiding my journey towards completeness.  

Two half stars

A star broke into two before the advent of time ... we both got each half. Yours shone through the smile; mine through my eyes. Our halves gravitated towards each other; we helplessly dragged along .. spellbound ; wonder-struck. Three lines between us ... space, time and faith; yet one core.

The universe's most painfully exalting love story written about us without our permission. What were we except mere puppets in the hands of fate who mercilessly toyed with our innocent hearts. We watched bewildered as our souls donned a dervish garb and started swirling round and round orbiting our single core.

Connected by green adoration and red fear ... we must live in two separate worlds. 

Fading in love.

I stare at the screen and nothing comes to me... Me, who spun words into beautiful tales of love, who dwelled on the thousand words scattered on the floor.. which ones to choose..which ones to let go...
I wish I was still writing about love instead of putting it to test. I wish I had not tried to taste the sweetness of my words on your lips, the strength of my emotions in your arms, the softness of my dreams in your eyes. I was naive to think that it would last forever in your heart just like it never stops flowing through my veins. I was ignorant, wasn't I? Neither I could taste the bitterness of lonely nights and nor could I detect the impatience in the words uttered in those nights.. I was too busy dancing to the virgin tunes of my first love.
When did you stop matching my steps? When did I become a blur to you? Will you ever look back to see that the music has stopped and so have I ; that the colors of my joy are fading .. that my heart is losing the beat.. that my feet are forgetting the rhythm.. that the world is changing ..
but what if you do look back .. would it change that my colors are fading .. or would it only make the death very apparent?
Nobody but I know that I am fading in love..

میرے دوست

 میرے دوست، میں تمھارے بغیر اداس ہوں۔ یہ سرد موسم اب دور پہاڑوں میں بنے لکڑی کے گھر کی یاد نہیں دلاتا۔ اب یہ ہوا بھی صرف جسم کو منجمد کرنے کے لیے چلتی ہے۔ سرِشام دیے جلانے کی خواہش روٹھ سی گئ ہے مجھ سے۔۔۔
میرے راستے منزلوں کا پتہ بھول گئے ہیں۔ میری ہنسی ویران ہو گئ ہے ۔۔ اور میری نگاہیں منتظر ۔۔ تمھارے چند وعدے میری مٹھی میں قید ہیں۔۔ یہ کھو نہ جائیں، اس ڈر سے میں مٹھی نہیں کھولتی ۔۔ تم سے میرا یہ آخری تعلق بھی ٹوٹ نہ جائے کہیں ۔۔ تم لاپتہ نہ ہو جاوؑ کہیں۔۔
میں تمھارے بغیر اداس ہوں ۔۔ تم اس دنیا میں ہو مگر میرے پاس نہیں ہو۔۔ میں تمھیں دیکھ نہیں سکتی، تم سے بات نہیں کر سکتی ، تم ہو اور نہیں ہو۔۔ تمھارے ہونے اور نہ ہونے کے درمیان میری سانس اٹکی ہے ۔۔
کچھ تو اپنے وعدے کا پاس رکھو تم بھی ۔۔ مجھ سے اپنے حصے کی اداسی لے لو۔۔ مجھے بھی یوں یاد کرو کہ کسی کام میں دل نہ لگے ۔۔ تمھارے ہاتھ میں وقت کی ڈور ہے، کوئی تدبیر کرو کہ یہ فاصلے ختم ہوں ، میرے آسماں سے جدائی کے بادل چھٹیں ۔۔ میرے وقت کو راحت نصیب ہو، میری سانس آسان ہو۔ کوِئی حشر برپا کرو ۔۔ گزرتے لمحے جو تنہائیاں لا رہے ہیں ، انہیں تمام کرو ، میری زندگی کے نصاب سے یہ اداسیاں ختم کرو۔۔