I am wide awake and not sure why. I should be sleeping but I have this weird
headache that’s not letting me rest. Also I have this uncanny feeling that’s
not letting me sleep.
My sister is sleeping right beside me but i can see how
restless she is. It’s the weather I think. Humid, warm, sultry and everything
seems to be closing in on you. The sweating, mosquitoes and insects add to the
misery.
And with this entire itchy atmosphere, a person gets all
pessimistic. An inundated flow of memories that are most of the time not very
pleasant invade you and no matter how hard you try, your mood gets quirky.
At least this happens to me.. This strange weather reminds me of all my
weaknesses, my flaws, my mistakes and when and where I have been so wrong in my
life. all the times, when my little consideration would have saved me from so
many miseries. A little courage on my part would have made my past more
bearable, a clearer vision would hv saved me from going astray, a little more
contempelation would have given me more to cherish about…
But the thing is that we cannot control our past neither can
we bring it back or change it for good. Its done , if not dusted.
Admittedly, it does effect our present and somewhat our
future but then again its never to late to make up for the past mistakes, take
charge of things, turn a new leaf and decide in your head that ‘ok! Fromthis
moment onwards, the game rules are changing and I AM THE BOSS’
Besides, rather than crying over the spilt milk why don’t we
concentrate on the things we did right Afterall, You cant be all wrong all the
time. Sometime, at some place you must have been right too even if for a small
span of time.
Some decisions you made, from heart and not from your smart
head must have given you so many little
things to be happy about.
Remember, those times when all your friends in the spur of
the moment decided to bunk the usual routine and give yourself a little thrill?
Or the awesome moment
when you decided to make dinner for your family and ended up burning everything
, serving bread and omlette afterwards?
Knowing your friends/family have arranged a ‘surprised’ bash
for you and still you act all innocent and excited?
The births of your baby cousins and buying them little
presents?
How the balloons that are bought over on birthday become so
dear to you?
when you cancel your outing to study for a test because your
mom loves your straight As?
And how you fell in love … and could never quiet meet the
end…
I wish we would all learn to remember just the good things
and discard the painful memories that are associated with life.
How could we fuss over all the failures of life and all the
successes we never achieved?
Why not let go of all the things that have been haunting us
since forever?
Let go of the fears that have been nourishing inside us.
I don’t know about people out there but right now I want to
let go of everything.. Good and bad..Become void, empty, annulled, negated,
cancelled, reduced to zero, nothing… and then re-emerge… like a phoenix.. Reborn
from the ashes… clean, new, baptized..
I want to shut out the past which has made me impure, dirty,
tainted, poisoned, judgmental about things, biased, cruel, spiteful, vindictive
and mean!
I want to search for the person I was, the person I was
meant to be… and realizing that it’s too difficult now to retrieve that being
from heaps of dirt that have been layered upon the original, I prefer to be
like phoenix then....
Difficult it may be but not impossible.. Besides its totally
worth it..
What’s better a task than finding the real you, catch up
with it and walk hand in hand down the lane!
