eloquent speech...

I am wide awake and not sure why.  I should be sleeping but I have this weird headache that’s not letting me rest. Also I have this uncanny feeling that’s not letting me sleep.

My sister is sleeping right beside me but i can see how restless she is. It’s the weather I think. Humid, warm, sultry and everything seems to be closing in on you. The sweating, mosquitoes and insects add to the misery.

And with this entire itchy atmosphere, a person gets all pessimistic. An inundated flow of memories that are most of the time not very pleasant invade you and no matter how hard you try, your mood gets quirky.

At least this happens to me..  This strange weather reminds me of all my weaknesses, my flaws, my mistakes and when and where I have been so wrong in my life. all the times, when my little consideration would have saved me from so many miseries. A little courage on my part would have made my past more bearable, a clearer vision would hv saved me from going astray, a little more contempelation would have given me more to cherish about…

But the thing is that we cannot control our past neither can we bring it back or change it for good. Its done , if not dusted.

Admittedly, it does effect our present and somewhat our future but then again its never to late to make up for the past mistakes, take charge of things, turn a new leaf and decide in your head that ‘ok! Fromthis moment onwards, the game rules are changing and I AM THE BOSS’

Besides,  rather  than crying over the spilt milk why don’t we concentrate on the things we did right Afterall, You cant be all wrong all the time. Sometime, at some place you must have been right too even if for a small span of time.

Some decisions you made, from heart and not from your smart head must have given  you so many little things to be happy about.

Remember, those times when all your friends in the spur of the moment decided to bunk the usual routine and give yourself a little thrill?

Or  the awesome moment when you decided to make dinner for your family and ended up burning everything , serving bread and omlette afterwards?

Knowing your friends/family have arranged a ‘surprised’ bash for you and still you act all innocent and excited?

The births of your baby cousins and buying them little presents?

How the balloons that are bought over on birthday become so dear to you?

when you cancel your outing to study for a test because your mom loves your straight As?

And how you fell in love … and could never quiet meet the end…

I wish we would all learn to remember just the good things and discard the painful memories that are associated with life.

How could we fuss over all the failures of life and all the successes we never achieved?

Why not let go of all the things that have been haunting us since forever?

Let go of the fears that have been nourishing inside us.

I don’t know about people out there but right now I want to let go of everything.. Good and bad..Become void, empty, annulled, negated, cancelled, reduced to zero, nothing… and then re-emerge… like a phoenix.. Reborn from the ashes… clean, new, baptized.. 

I want to shut out the past which has made me impure, dirty, tainted, poisoned, judgmental about things, biased, cruel, spiteful, vindictive and mean!

I want to search for the person I was, the person I was meant to be… and realizing that it’s too difficult now to retrieve that being from heaps of dirt that have been layered upon the original, I prefer to be like phoenix then....

Difficult it may be but not impossible.. Besides its totally worth it..

What’s better a task than finding the real you, catch up with it and walk hand in hand down the lane!