I miss someone but i am not sure if that person is you.. In the beginning, he was you or you were him but lately you two are different. you are angry, harsh and unkind. He was polite ,understanding and loving。 He was free in his expression, you are dictated by your ego." People change,times change" .. I understand this but I am not good with change. It scares me and this is not a good change. I am in pain but this pain is despite u. I lost the one I loved and trusted. You are not him. I try so hard to look at you and remember him but the hardness of your eyes ,expressions and voice bring me back to the reality. You hurt me because you know how to hurt me now. He wouldn't have done it. He would have protected me.
If I have to live in pain then why must I endure it unnecessarily? I am walking away.
i dont love you anyway and by the sound of your irritated voice, its safe to say that you have also fallen out of love. Some time ago this was a very painful thought but surprisingly it has brought peace today; like the tranquility you feel right after the first glance at home after a long tiresome journey or the relief when you lay down on your bed after a long day of running around doing errands.
We found our common ground for a brief period of time and it was true in that moment. Today, when you sound and feel like just any other man on the street ,I cant deny the truthfulness of this moment as well. I always wondered about people who fell out of love. It was such a strange concept but now when I m in this situation, i can understand all of them.
I have loads to blame on you. The difference is that like all men you lost patience and like all women I need a patient man. You replaced your kindness with harshness; in your voice as well as your eyes。You stopped being a friend and only acted like a partner with needs. You deliberately started ignoring me and everything I liked and wanted to talk about. You made me believe that I was boring and uninteresting. You made me unnecessarily wait for you and crave for the tiniest bit of attention.
I kept thinking on your behalf, always trying to be understanding, always trying to be a helping hand, always trying to be supportive and lifting you up. In all this process, I started ignoring myself, I shut out the voice in my head which pointing at the red flags. I thought that the world i have created, the man i have chosen is too perfect.. I kept undermining my 6th sense that i am unhappy, that you are not enough..
I dont know what I will do now. I dont know how to not be with you but I also know your reaction. I can actually see you being insensitive, mean, harsh and hurtful about all this。I can hear you calling me a drama queen or Some other derogatory word.
I will always remember this version of yours. The one who chose to never understand me and made me cry for days for one simple apology for disgracing me. I will remember that when I tried to communicate this and my distressed condition, you paid zero heed and didnt give it a second thought, let alone feeling any remorse. I will remember that you broke it all for your ego and swelled sense of masculanity.
I am peaceful after days..because I have accepted the truth instead of fighting it. For 19 days, I waited for you to make time so i can tell you all about the happiest times i spent duringvacation. I wanted you to hear about it all..i wanted you to see through my eyes, and experience my excitment .. so many details I wanted to share only with you. But its ok.. i dont feel upset , sad or teary like previous times, I am actually happy that I have come to see the reality.
Enclosed are also the pieces of my heart that had your name graved on them.
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