mohabbat...

“Khushfehmi kitni achi cheex hai na ami” apne bed pe laity laity najane kitna waqt beet gaya tha. Maazi k dareeche thy k band hone men nhi aa rahe they.. ik  k bad ik dar…

‘mat socho itna’ ami ne bebasi se us ko dkha…

oolad b kitni ajeeb cheez hai, kitni b na farman ho per jab nadamat se sar jhukati hai to dil se har dua le jati hai .. na khafgi rehti ha na ghuusa , na ana..
‘na soch zainy.. tum to meri shehzadi baiti ho.. meri rani ho’ maa ne us ka matha chooma, us k hath ko pyar kia…

‘na sochoon ami? Kaise na sochun .. ami raani aaisi hoti  hai? Woh to raj kerti hai.. men to  khak hun..’

Dono hathun men sar pakar k who rone laggi.. har roz ki tarhan.. yun jaise log kissi k marne pe rotey hain, waise zainy ron laggi.. apne app pe..

‘ jo dil men hai bol de zainy, jo b hai bol de…’ bechain ho k ami ne kaha..

‘ami’ achanak woh bister se utar k un k qadmoon men aa baithi.

‘ jo dil men hai wo keh doon g to sab sawal Karien gey.. jawab nhi hai ami mere pass.. bohat se sawal hi  hain..’

‘nahi karoon g koi sawal.. kuch nhi poochun g ..’

‘ abhi to raat ka andhera sab chupa leta hai ami.. ik bar keh dia to koi b chey dhanp nhi sakkey g mujhe… insane k raaz us k libas ki tarhan hotey hain ami.. raazun ko chuppey rhna chae’

‘men maa hun na tumari… mujhse chupa k kia karo g? yeh raat jo tumara dukh chupati hai, who mera dard bharhati hai.. zainy tu nhi soye g to maa kaise soey g?’

‘ami’ sar un ki godd men rakh k us ne pukara..to jawab men ik mehrban hath us k sar pe thehr gaya.

‘dunia men aap se agey kuch nhi tha aur kabhi ho ga b nhi… likin men kia karoon ami, who mere dil se nikalta nhi hai.. mene bohat koshish ki.. ami fasla itna hai hamare darmiyan k shyd umer bhar b chaloon to 2 koss hi teh ker paun.. phir b, woh hai k mujhe bhoolta hi  nhi hai..’

‘ami men us se baat nhi kerti.. aur who nhi janta k zainy b koi larki hai.. ami mujhe lagta hai jaise ALLAh ne mujh saza di hai..’

‘aaise kaise ho sakta hai ami.. kaise koi insaan itna acha lagta hai k us ki ik nazar dunia sanwarne ko kafi ho jati hai.. kaise ik shahks ki aahat k liye har lamha koi muntazir reh sakta hai… kiun ami?.. kia khass baat hai us men?’

‘ami mohabbat aaisi hoti hai ? jo insaan ko aarsh se farsh pe le aaye?.. shah ko faker kr de?  Yeh to saza hai, bad dua hai.. buri nazar hai.. saaya hai…’

‘ami kiun ho ra hai aaisa.. men itni dua kerti hun k who mere dil se nikal jaye.. men ik roz uthun to us ka koi nishan na ho us ka meri zindagi men.. jaise who hai hi nhi.. kabhi tha hi nahi…’

‘zaini…..’ bohat sara roo chukne k baad who chup hoi to ami ne kaha..

‘zaini yeh jo mohabbat hai na.. yeh bohat ajeeb cheex hai.. insaan is ko mazak samajhta hai.. koi aam sa jazba samajhta hai.. likin aaisa nhi hai… yeh mohabbat ALLAH ne bht soch k insaan ko ata ki hai.. aur is men insane ki baqa ko chupaya hai..

Farishte mohabbat nhi kerte zaini.. insaan ko khas banaya mohabbat ki waja se…

Allah ne insaan ko mitti se banaya hai .. us ka khamer us cheez se banaya hai jis ko hum haqeer khte hain… paoon men rondhte hain..

khameer ki taraf wapsi ka safar mien mohabbat pehla qadam hai.. insaan ki ego ko mar deti hai yeh
.. janti ho ego kia chez hai? Insaan ko paoon pe khara rakhti hai, sar uthati hai insaan ka, akaar k chalati hai, hukam dena sikhati hai.. aur jab ego mar jati hai na to insaan khak ho jata hai …

aur khak ko ALLAH k siwa kuch yaad nhi ata zaini..

yeh mohabbat jo tumien rulati hai , jagati hai.. is ko ALLAH  ka inaam samjho.. yeh wapsi ka safar hai zaini..

mujhe bura lagna chae na k meri itni pyari beti kissi bande k ishq men apna haal bighar rahi hai? Mujhe lag raha hai bura zaini… likin men janti hun tumien..

mene tumara naam zainab rakha hai… aur tum kaisi ho, yeh tumari paishani pe likha hai…mujhe ya kissi ko bhi certificate nhi chae..

Zaini, ik din jab tum utho g to waqai tumara dil khali ho ga..

Tum safar men us maqam pe ho g jahan us k baad tumien mohabbat k liye behtar hasti mil jaye g.. tum mohabbat k baad ishq k safar k qabil ho jao g.

Zaini, ALLAH tumien ishq k adaab sikha raha hai… aaise to nhi mil jatii koi cheex..

Abhi wohh iss dil ko mohabbat dy ga, dard dy ga.. iss dil se dunia nikale ga.. phir ishq ki bari aye g beta..

Abi tum safar men ho…

Who shaks kuch nhi hai… bus ik imtehan hai…’

10 saal … ami ap ne theek kaha tha… who shaks kuch nhi tha.. mere safar ka pehla paraoo tha..

Aaj b jab men dua k liye hath uthati hun to us ka naam zaror lti hun. K Mera us se ajeb  taluq tha..

ALLAH ne mujhe bht kuch dia hai .. aur sab se bara karam yeh k us ko mere dil se nikala nhi.. us ko dil men rehne dia aur sakoon de dia..

Ishq beshak sirf ALLAH ka haq hai.. aur mohabbat pe bandoon ka haq hai..

Bande ki bande se mohabat kuch nhi beshak… yeh neeyat hai jo pehla qadam utha lene se maar jane tak har kam snwarti hai…

Farsh se arsh tak le jati hai.. koi ehsas kuch nhi neeyat k baghair..

Khas torr se mohabbat… jis men paa lena ahem nhi hai.. kho jana nuqsaan nhi hai.. jis men koi b chez aam nhi hai.. jis men har kam ghaibi hai.. aur ghaib bus neeyat dekhta hai…

One helluva day!

*airtel ring*

I am fast asleep…

Bell continues to ring ..

“ uff, where the hell is my mobile”

I dive inside my quilt and emerge with a ringing cell phone.

^irfan calling^

“God, what’s wrong with him?” I mutter to myself before receiving the call.

Ifran: “hello zainab, so rahi thi? There is a conference in Serena. Let’s all go there.”

Le me: “uh what? Umm… ok… let me wash my face n teeth”

One part of me wanted to say NO and go back to being a sleeping beauty and the other, *normal* part dragged me out of the warm bed to get ready.

OK! What to wear. I pull out my jeans and with that a dull greenish colored shirt which had RED in it. Red handbag, red coat and red shoes ;)

Looking at myself half an hour later, I give a very satisfied smile to my image and walk outside to find my class fellows waiting for me to go together.

I had never seen Serena before and to be honest never given it a thought. The funny part is that when I entered that beautiful edifice, I hardly felt that it’s the first time I am here or that its one of the most expensive places in Pakistan. I carried my “so what” attitude very gracefully and enjoyed the brief stay there:P

To be comfortable with your own self is the best thing in the world.

From there, Ahmed asked : “now where?”

Le me: “Actually, I have never seen Pakistan monument. :s :s”

Everybody stared at me… and they burst into laughter .

Le me: “ I am serious guys”

So we went to see the beautiful Monument. Without a doubt it is an awesome piece of art. The concept is very innovative and location is perfect. However, it was sad to see that it is failing to serve the purpose for people of the land, which is to develop a sense of pride and nationality.

I have always dreamt of sitting on a high place from where I can just look at the world wide in front of me with loads of wind blowing and no thoughts at all.. I guess I lived that moment yesterday!

Anyway, Kashif wanted to bowl.

And to be honest, I loved the game. Rolling the ball to get the bottles ( or whatever they are called) down. :D

Being the only girl in the group, I served the purpose of  my presence. ~to loose so that the male egos stay boosted :p ~

Anyway 83 score when I was rolling the ball first time ever in my life, I deserve some credit guys.

Grabbing the Icecream , we headed to the most peaceful place I have ever been to.

Evening was falling.. and there I was sitting on a wood bench in the middle of a lush green garden. That was captivating. Mesmerizing, the beauty of nature and that moment..

And then I saw the most amazingly cute dog! He was a BIG BIG Labrador and I envied the owner. He was nothing but a big sweetheart. I wanted to go near him but sesly, his size scared me :/ .. a little..

I wanted the time to just stop there.. or at least pause.. I wanted to live that beauty, the peace, the serenity.. the feeling of being watched, guided…

But too bad we had our economics class at 6 o’clock so we headed back to uni.

By the time, we started studying I was literally dying to get hold of some sleep.  Thanks heavens, it was our last class and there wasn’t much to study so I managed to take a nap and then a cup of tea totally refreshed me.

I was busy playing hang the man with my class and teacher when samreen came in. a little breathless from brisk walking :P

Samreen: “I need you for sometime. Please excuse yourself”

All the love to mam seemi that she let me go, happily.

Le me : “yes samreen”

samreen: “ let’s go get a cup of coffee, talal is here too”

le me: “ok! Waise b, seems like m on the run today. Let’s go”

and a cup of coffee with good company was worth it J

and thus, the day ended..

I don’t know why people say that boys don’t make good friends or girls are not fully sincere with each other.. If someone has these deteriorating concepts, please come and meet me.

Its not about your gender, its all about your heart.

I have seen girls and boys who were devils in disguise alike and I have been lucky to meet the most amazing people in the world.

And I believe a portion of this depends upon you too. If you have a clean heart, you will find good people. And most of all, you can be that good person in some one’s life. After all, you can’t control others, but you have a full authority over yourself and your actions J

Just be good to people , they deserve it.

And most of all, you deserve to be the person you are meant to be… don’t trade yourself for something less than this !

17 Nov, 2018

MEN HUN GUMSUM TU B KHAMOSSH HAI

SACH HAI SAMEY KA HI SAB DOSH HAI

DHARKAN DHARKAN IK GHAM REHTA HAI

JANE KIUN PHIR B DIL KEHTA HAI

JEE LEY ZARA…

AYE HUMSAFAR, AYE HUMAVA…

Sari zindagi meri Karachi aaney ki khuwahish rahi thi.. kiun k mene sari zindagi paharoon men guzari thi aur kabhi samandar nhi dekha tha.. na pani ka na insaano ka.. aur khi men dono miltey hain.

Likin mujhe khi se dar lagta tha .. itna bara shehr, itni oonchi imaratien, itne log, rush, shor, hangama.. men kho gai to?

Per ab aaisa nhi hai.. 2 din pehle jab khi airport se bahir aai to mere dil men koi ehsas nhi tha, koi darr nhi tha.. kho jane ka b nhi..

Official kam se ai hun men Karachi.. kuch ghalat to ho hi nhi sakta.. akhir Pakistan Govt k itne prestigious idare men kam kerti hun. What can possibly go wrong?

Waqt jaldi guzar jata hai.. itne saal guzar gaye hain.. ab kho jane ka khauf kaisa? Aur ab to hansii ati  hai apne app per.. aur us per bhi jo kehta tha ‘kho kaise jao g, mera address hai na?”

Address ka kia hai.. who to change hota rehta hai .. pata nhi wo pagal tha ya mujhe bana raha tha..

Kher this conference I am attending is very important. I hope IP pipeline functional ho jaye… kitna faida ho ga mulk ko.. when I was a child I had such simple concepts, wohh to barey ho k pata chala k dunia men kuch b simple nhi hai..

Na system, na relations, na insaan khud.. sab complex hai.. har cheez uljhi hoi hai.. dil b, damagh bhi, mohabbat bhi… jo dil kehta ha, damagh ko woi baat stupid lagti hai.. pata nhi sab k sath yeh masla hai ya mere dil aur damagh men koi special rivalry hai..

Dil kehta tha k us ki baat man lo, per damagh? Logic mangta tha.. reasoning kerta tha… dil kahan se lata logic? Who to bus beqarar tha us k peeche peeche bhagne ko.. per huwa kia? Logic jeet hi gai na akhir.. kitna rooya tha dil bechara.. tarapta raha phr khudi ro dho k chup ho gaya.. bilkul chup…

Hunh.. bohat senti ho rahi hun na.. shehr ka qasoor hai.. warna kitne saal guzar gaye hain is bat ko.. diary to hameesha likhti hun per kabhi zikar kia us ka? Phir ab kiun?

Mujhe to lagta tha k bhool gai hun sab kuch men.. aur sach bhi yehi hai. Kahan khayal ata hai 24 hrs men? Itni masroof hoti hun, kabhi to khane peene ka hosh b nhi rhta..

Haan bus tab yaad ata ha jab mama kehti hain ‘ab tum shadi ker lo na’  .. men us k intezar men nhi hun, likin 27 years ki age men mujhe koi bohat sensible banda chae. Men kissi Bandar ko apne sar pen hi bitha sakti, mama ko samajh hi nhi ati.

 GHAM K YEH BADAL GUZAR JANE DEY

AB ZINDAGI KO NIKHAR JANE DEY

CHOR DE AB YADOON K DUKH SEHNA

SUN B LE JO DIL KA HAI KEHNA

JEE LE ZARA…

Waise mien b ajeeb hun.. khud se b secrets rakhti hun.. jaise ap apni 2 ziddi dostoon k darmiyan piss k reh jate hain na.. wohi haal mera hai apne dil aur damagh k beech.. kabi dil se sargoshi kerti hun aur kabhi damagh se taweel behs..

Dil hai k roota hai.. maafi mangta hai .. paoon pakarta hai .. kehti hun k ‘jao maf kia’ per suntan nhi hai.. kehta hai beqadre insaan ko har dia tumien… hansi aati hai mujhe.. muskurahat daba k kehti hun ‘ men kon c bohat qeemti thi..’

Girgirata hai..”anmol thi.. be mol ker dia..maf ker do’

Itna waqt laga k dil ko tasalli deti hun to damagh machal jata hai k ‘ aaise kaise maaf ker dia? Kuch to saza milni chae thi na?’

Damagh k bhi fauji asool hain.. maafi ki gunjaish nhi hai.. ghalti ki hai to saza do..

Keh keh k thak gai hun k dil aur ishq ko sharminda nhi dekh sakti.. who to fateh hain..

Likin damagh hai k na khud samajhta hai na mujhe sakoon se rehne deta hai..

Tang aa k men dono ko un k haal pe chor deti hun.. aur khud neend ki aghosh men panah leti hun..

Per kabhi kabhi to khuwab bhi beimani ker jate hain.. us nagar le chalet hain jahan ka rukh b haram hai ab..

Kitna bebas hai insaan bhi.. kissi cheez pe ikhtiyar nhi hai..

Kabhi is jung se ukta jaun to ik gehri sans leti hun aur sochti hun k kon ho tum jis ki waja se yeh kashmakash ha to na tumara chehra khayal men ata hai.. na tumari awaz kanoon men gunjti hai, na koi baat yaad ati hai..

Khayal ata hai to concordia ki baraf pe perhne wali chamkeeli dhoop ka, barf se banne chasmey ka, mahudund jheel k shafaaf pani ka, banjoosa ki fizza men ghulley sakoon ka… mujhe tum yaad nhi atey, mujhe morr k par k rang yaad atey hain.. mujhe koyal ki kook yaad ati hai, mujhe gulab k phool pe shabnam ka qatra yad ata hai, mujhe khoon jama dene wali sardi men coffee ka garam mug yad ata hai..

Tum mere liye koi shaks to nhi they k men tumien yad rakhti ya bhool jati.. tum to mere liye ehsaas they.. kaifiyat they.. tum ko jaise khoon k sath gardish men they.. yad rakhne aur bhool jane ka to zikr hi nhi tha.. option hi nhi thi…

Option hoti to bhalla yeh chunti men? Aaisi bewakoof lagti hun men kia?

When I look into the mirror, I see a confident successful career lady who has authority to make decisions and then I feel bad for you..  agar tum iss sab k liye kuch nhi ker sakkey to pata nhi kia dia ho ga tumien Khuda ne.

Bohat saal huwe, tumien dekhe.. pata nhi kaise ho gey tum.. acha hai men dekhna b nhi chati..

Mere andar abhi b tum bht oonche maqam pe ho.. abhi b mere lihaz se tum behtareen k haqdar ho..

 Asal dekh liya to acha nhi lagey ga…

2 bajh gaye hain. Subha 9 meeting hai. Khilaf e mamool bohat lambi diary likhi.. aur who b ik dead topic per.. waise b yeh lambi debate aur dukh mere nhi hain, yeh to us 21 saal ki larki k hain jo mere andar udas udas phirti hai.. men iss sab k liye bohat busy hun.

Best of luck for meeting tomorrow to myself.

Goodnight!