17 Nov, 2018

MEN HUN GUMSUM TU B KHAMOSSH HAI

SACH HAI SAMEY KA HI SAB DOSH HAI

DHARKAN DHARKAN IK GHAM REHTA HAI

JANE KIUN PHIR B DIL KEHTA HAI

JEE LEY ZARA…

AYE HUMSAFAR, AYE HUMAVA…

Sari zindagi meri Karachi aaney ki khuwahish rahi thi.. kiun k mene sari zindagi paharoon men guzari thi aur kabhi samandar nhi dekha tha.. na pani ka na insaano ka.. aur khi men dono miltey hain.

Likin mujhe khi se dar lagta tha .. itna bara shehr, itni oonchi imaratien, itne log, rush, shor, hangama.. men kho gai to?

Per ab aaisa nhi hai.. 2 din pehle jab khi airport se bahir aai to mere dil men koi ehsas nhi tha, koi darr nhi tha.. kho jane ka b nhi..

Official kam se ai hun men Karachi.. kuch ghalat to ho hi nhi sakta.. akhir Pakistan Govt k itne prestigious idare men kam kerti hun. What can possibly go wrong?

Waqt jaldi guzar jata hai.. itne saal guzar gaye hain.. ab kho jane ka khauf kaisa? Aur ab to hansii ati  hai apne app per.. aur us per bhi jo kehta tha ‘kho kaise jao g, mera address hai na?”

Address ka kia hai.. who to change hota rehta hai .. pata nhi wo pagal tha ya mujhe bana raha tha..

Kher this conference I am attending is very important. I hope IP pipeline functional ho jaye… kitna faida ho ga mulk ko.. when I was a child I had such simple concepts, wohh to barey ho k pata chala k dunia men kuch b simple nhi hai..

Na system, na relations, na insaan khud.. sab complex hai.. har cheez uljhi hoi hai.. dil b, damagh bhi, mohabbat bhi… jo dil kehta ha, damagh ko woi baat stupid lagti hai.. pata nhi sab k sath yeh masla hai ya mere dil aur damagh men koi special rivalry hai..

Dil kehta tha k us ki baat man lo, per damagh? Logic mangta tha.. reasoning kerta tha… dil kahan se lata logic? Who to bus beqarar tha us k peeche peeche bhagne ko.. per huwa kia? Logic jeet hi gai na akhir.. kitna rooya tha dil bechara.. tarapta raha phr khudi ro dho k chup ho gaya.. bilkul chup…

Hunh.. bohat senti ho rahi hun na.. shehr ka qasoor hai.. warna kitne saal guzar gaye hain is bat ko.. diary to hameesha likhti hun per kabhi zikar kia us ka? Phir ab kiun?

Mujhe to lagta tha k bhool gai hun sab kuch men.. aur sach bhi yehi hai. Kahan khayal ata hai 24 hrs men? Itni masroof hoti hun, kabhi to khane peene ka hosh b nhi rhta..

Haan bus tab yaad ata ha jab mama kehti hain ‘ab tum shadi ker lo na’  .. men us k intezar men nhi hun, likin 27 years ki age men mujhe koi bohat sensible banda chae. Men kissi Bandar ko apne sar pen hi bitha sakti, mama ko samajh hi nhi ati.

 GHAM K YEH BADAL GUZAR JANE DEY

AB ZINDAGI KO NIKHAR JANE DEY

CHOR DE AB YADOON K DUKH SEHNA

SUN B LE JO DIL KA HAI KEHNA

JEE LE ZARA…

Waise mien b ajeeb hun.. khud se b secrets rakhti hun.. jaise ap apni 2 ziddi dostoon k darmiyan piss k reh jate hain na.. wohi haal mera hai apne dil aur damagh k beech.. kabi dil se sargoshi kerti hun aur kabhi damagh se taweel behs..

Dil hai k roota hai.. maafi mangta hai .. paoon pakarta hai .. kehti hun k ‘jao maf kia’ per suntan nhi hai.. kehta hai beqadre insaan ko har dia tumien… hansi aati hai mujhe.. muskurahat daba k kehti hun ‘ men kon c bohat qeemti thi..’

Girgirata hai..”anmol thi.. be mol ker dia..maf ker do’

Itna waqt laga k dil ko tasalli deti hun to damagh machal jata hai k ‘ aaise kaise maaf ker dia? Kuch to saza milni chae thi na?’

Damagh k bhi fauji asool hain.. maafi ki gunjaish nhi hai.. ghalti ki hai to saza do..

Keh keh k thak gai hun k dil aur ishq ko sharminda nhi dekh sakti.. who to fateh hain..

Likin damagh hai k na khud samajhta hai na mujhe sakoon se rehne deta hai..

Tang aa k men dono ko un k haal pe chor deti hun.. aur khud neend ki aghosh men panah leti hun..

Per kabhi kabhi to khuwab bhi beimani ker jate hain.. us nagar le chalet hain jahan ka rukh b haram hai ab..

Kitna bebas hai insaan bhi.. kissi cheez pe ikhtiyar nhi hai..

Kabhi is jung se ukta jaun to ik gehri sans leti hun aur sochti hun k kon ho tum jis ki waja se yeh kashmakash ha to na tumara chehra khayal men ata hai.. na tumari awaz kanoon men gunjti hai, na koi baat yaad ati hai..

Khayal ata hai to concordia ki baraf pe perhne wali chamkeeli dhoop ka, barf se banne chasmey ka, mahudund jheel k shafaaf pani ka, banjoosa ki fizza men ghulley sakoon ka… mujhe tum yaad nhi atey, mujhe morr k par k rang yaad atey hain.. mujhe koyal ki kook yaad ati hai, mujhe gulab k phool pe shabnam ka qatra yad ata hai, mujhe khoon jama dene wali sardi men coffee ka garam mug yad ata hai..

Tum mere liye koi shaks to nhi they k men tumien yad rakhti ya bhool jati.. tum to mere liye ehsaas they.. kaifiyat they.. tum ko jaise khoon k sath gardish men they.. yad rakhne aur bhool jane ka to zikr hi nhi tha.. option hi nhi thi…

Option hoti to bhalla yeh chunti men? Aaisi bewakoof lagti hun men kia?

When I look into the mirror, I see a confident successful career lady who has authority to make decisions and then I feel bad for you..  agar tum iss sab k liye kuch nhi ker sakkey to pata nhi kia dia ho ga tumien Khuda ne.

Bohat saal huwe, tumien dekhe.. pata nhi kaise ho gey tum.. acha hai men dekhna b nhi chati..

Mere andar abhi b tum bht oonche maqam pe ho.. abhi b mere lihaz se tum behtareen k haqdar ho..

 Asal dekh liya to acha nhi lagey ga…

2 bajh gaye hain. Subha 9 meeting hai. Khilaf e mamool bohat lambi diary likhi.. aur who b ik dead topic per.. waise b yeh lambi debate aur dukh mere nhi hain, yeh to us 21 saal ki larki k hain jo mere andar udas udas phirti hai.. men iss sab k liye bohat busy hun.

Best of luck for meeting tomorrow to myself.

Goodnight!