Gone for good.

She let out a sigh.. a breath she had been holding for so long.. and slowly her eyes adjusted to the light.. it felt like years since these eyes had stared at things in bright light, and prudently she moved her muscles, arms legs hands.. one by one.. it felt good..to move, to shift … how long had it been? She tried to recall but her mind was blank.. a day? A week ? a month? She had no idea what day was it or which month .. she sat straight and tried to guess if it was morning or noon but the heavy curtains were blocking the outside view. She got up and opened the curtain.. sunlight busted in … the rays hit her and she felt the warmth like never before.. she took it for granted for years but not any more.. she was going to worship everything from now onwards.. she remembered the time when she had it all and when she lost it .. she blocked the painful memories, although it was too much effort but she had to try.. she had to master this ability to block , to build walls..

Because she missed him.. she missed everything about him.. he was painfully handsome to her.. her insides ached when she looked at him, it was like magic.. she was a part of him.. she knew it… she felt like a jigsaw puzzle, completing him…  and now he was gone..  her other half, the better one.. she looked at her empty bedside and felt fresh tears welling up in her eyes. The room smelled of him. She smelled of him.. how will she ever get over this? He was everywhere and nowhere when she wanted to touch him.. no answer when she called his name..

His name.. so beautiful.. the sweetness of it, you could taste it in your mouth.. she felt sexier just saying his name. it had that kind of effect. And the joy it brought… not he, not his touch but  his name.. it was unexplainable.. and now it was over, in a blink if an eye. Like it was never there..

For some brief moments, she even wondered.. was he for real? Or was it just a dream? An illusion? Maybe she was very sick and it was all in her mind. She had heard of such psychological disorders, but then with a flash came back all the long walks on the beach, and rains they had enjoyed and with that she tasted his lips and knew that it was anything but a dream. He really was in her life. He had enjoyed her and quietly he had left. As if it was his decision alone, as  if she didn’t matter.

standing in the window , she felt a surge of hatred towards him. He was a selfish bastard, who thought about himself only, always! He had a charming way of twisting things according to his will, he had the art of molding people. She recalled how she was unmoved by him the first couple of times they had met. May be this had triggered his male ego. May be this was why he had progressed towards her , to see why his charisma hadn’t worked on her, why didn’t she fall on her knees the first time she saw her. He was so curious to know this that he had actually fallen on his knees!

With wit and humor, manners and intelligence he played her.. and before she realized , she was charmed. Absolutely spell bound by him.

‘FUCK YOU’ she muttered under her breath.  She had said it earlier, louder. But she knew he wasn’t here to listen and he won’t be, unless she finds him and tell him that in person. She decided that she will. She will find him and she will tell him. 

But she never did.. Day after day when she woke up, she realized that her hatred towards him was fading away despite all what he did. She didnt pursue it either she wanted to explore the new dimension of her soul. Finally the sun rose in the sky to shine in the day which looked so ordinary but had something for her.

"OMG, look at the yellow Autumn leaves.. Beautiful!" She excitedly pointed it out to her sister who looked at it and shrugged."But its going to fall and die." 

She knew that but how could she ignore the beauty of something that was right in front of her eyes. She stood there, under the big tree admiring the beautiful yellow color of the Autumn leaves. Her sister had moved ahead but stopped, looked back at her and said "Love them all you want but they are destined to die. So better not waste yourself over something that cant live long enough to appreciate your admiration, least of all."

and that was the moment she understood. He was destined to leave because she was beyond his capacity. He was shallow and she was a raging outburst of emotions.. no match and that;s when she discovered that he held no place in he heart. He was gone for good :)