For My School..

“Welcome. Of course, you have not forgotten your school. You appreciate it more today than you ever did, even in the days when you were still here, at home. Fond memories of the golden days float in upon your soul in moments of reverie. We know you love the old school. We know you still love ‘Mother.’”

 Aia has been home to all of us who have gathered here today to cherish the old memories and to share with the ones we were so close to, some time back in life. I am honored to speak on the behalf of all the graduates and to give words to their unsaid feelings. Of course words can never be enough, but that’s all I have to show my love and gratitude.

We have come here to remind our school and our faculty of the times when we were a part of you. You must remember all of us by names or by faces... I am sure seeing us all here must have brought back a flood of memories. It has for me. How can we forget these stairs that we had climbed a zillion times in our 12 years. And the labs that were our place of experimentation. And the grounds we have run in and this very stage, where we performed to win so many jalal baba interschool tableau competitions.

The memories we have all created together will always remain with us. And I am sure the ghost of our past will always linger in this very school.

I thank my dear teachers who made us what we are today with their tireless efforts and dedication and the school for providing us with the very platform we needed.

I would like all the graduates of Al imtiaz academy to please rise in their seats and pay a respectful tribute to our beloved teachers.

God bless our teachers and god blesses Al Imtiaz Academy.

An Army man!

August 1965:

“It’s been 5 years since we are married” she thought with a smile. She knew that it was impossible for him to remember the occasion and she was too clever to throw any hint at him. She loved taking him by surprise.

She had already wrapped the gifts, one for their anniversary and the other for his promotion. She loved the sight of newly added star on his collar. She was brought back to the real world when her 3 year old daughter started to cry. Wania was a cute lil baby with pink cheeks and eyes like her baba. The baby laughed so hard every time he threw her in the air and she landed safely in his strong arms.

As soon as the evening fell, she set the table and spent the rest of the time getting ready. She couldn’t decide the color, the dress, hair style.. “ God! I am behaving like a school girl” but she had to admit that getting ready for him excited her today just as it did on day one. She loved him.

Finally when she was all ready, she quietly went in the dinning room and sat there, waiting for him.

He honked the horn once, twice but nobody came to the door. “where is everyone?” after ten minutes, he helped himself with the gate but an uneasy feeling had already settled in. he couldn’t hear wania or her or even tv. The house was quiet like nobody had ever lived there. He quietly came forward and instead of going from the front door, he used the door that opened in dinning room. As soon as he clicked the handle, it opened with a little creaking sound. “What the………………!!” a shower of flowers fell on him and lights came on at the very same instant.

He saw a beautifully decorated table with a cake and candles. Standing besides the table was one of the most gorgeous ladies, he’d ever seen.

His heart filled with pride and love at the sight. He knew that this life time won’t be enough to thank this lady for her support and love.

September 1965:

It was the 3^rd war between Pakistan its rival by birth India. It created a havoc in the country but also stirred snoozing unity. People suddenly were living machine guns, the bullets were somehow more powerful than they were meant to be, morals were touching the skies and it seemed like some unseen force was at work. Noone was thinking of him/herself. It was just one concern in all the four corners of country: Pakistan and its safety!

Women, who must have given their every penny to get hold of a gold chain or ear rings, took no time in giving them to the government for buying weapon n bullets. Sons who were ‘noor ul aain’ for mothers were motivated to go to the front and fight the enemy. Children were given water jugs and made to stand on the roads so that no fighter would go thirsty. One hooter could bring about the black out and pin drop silence in the whole city.

Major was called on duty the very next morning at the Batala front. She stayed awake all night and kept looking at his face. Even in sleep she could sense a faint smile on his lips. She could feel the bright light that was hidden behind the closed eyelids. She offered her Tahajd and remembered nothing but her land while praying. She even forgot her daily prayer. At 4:30 he got up, offered his prayers and got ready to go. She tied ‘Imam zamin’ on his right arm. He kissed little wania on forehead. She must have disliked the intrusion in her sleep but after a loving pat went back to sleep.

“Fi aman Allah” . there wasn’t anything else to say. All the words were lost somewhere.they didn’t matter at that time anyway.  Her heart swelled with pride, looking at his strong back and firm stride.

4 days later:

The door bell rang. She opened it to find a uniformed officer standing outside. “Are you Major Sahab’s wife?”

“No.” she replied in a steady voice. “I am Shaheed Major’s Wife”

the young officer bowed his head.: Either with respect or at the sight of her. She couldn’t tell. She received the Nation Flag with much pride. 2 stray tears rolled out of her eyes. She didn’t make any effort to clean her face. These tears were for him, his love. He deserved them. Her last ever gift to him, who was no more with her in life.

2 months later:

She gave birth to a beautiful and healthy son. Looking at her son’s face, she secretly searched for another face. She could hear him talking excitedly about his son, his plans for their son and so much more. She congratulated him silently.

Wania came in and sat beside her. She smiled when she tried to poke a finger at her brother’s eyes. “Baba kahan hain?”

: “ALLAH JEE k pass.”

[A] martyr’s privileges are guaranteed by Allah; forgiveness with the first gush of his blood, he will be shown his seat in paradise, he will be decorated with the jewels of belief, married off to the beautiful ones, protected from the test in the grave, assured security in the day of judgment, crowned with the crown of dignity, a ruby of which is better than this whole world and its entire content, wedded to seventy-two of the pure Houris (beautiful women of Paradise) and his intercession on the behalf of seventy of his relatives will be accepted.

Mutaqqi: the word!

Surah Ad Dukhan (51-57)

“Bila shuba mutaqqi log hoon gey aman ki jaga mien, yani baghun aur chasmoon mien. Pehne huwe hoon gey libas, hareer o debah k ik dosre k amne samne baithey hoon gey. Yeh ho g un ki shan aur bia dien gey hum un ko gori gori aho chasm auratoon se. talb karien gey who wahan har tarhan k lazeez phal aur khaien gey poore itmeenan se. na chakhien gey who wahan maza maut ka siwae pehli maut k aur bacha ley ga inhien ALLAH jahanum k azab se. yeh fazl ho ga tere rab ka, yehi hai azeem kamyabi.”

Translation:"As to the Righteous (they will be) in a position of Security,mong Gardens and Springs;Dressed in fine silk and in rich brocade, they will face each other;Moreover, We shall join them to Companions with beautiful, big, and lustrous eyes.There can they call for every kind of fruit in peace and security;Nor will they there taste Death, except the first death; and He will preserve them from the Penalty of the Blazing Fire--As a Bounty from thy Lord! that will be the supreme achievement!"

I read the above ayaat and got totally stuck in one word. ‘Mutaqqi’ which means ‘the pious’. I looked at the world outside the Quran page and found myself at total loss. Of course, I have blind faith in each n every Quranic word. I mean all of us have but I couldn’t help but secretly feel that our world n this Quranic world are opposite of eachother. Not that I wanted to created any controversies and get myself a fatwa . it was just this word that was making me uneasy.

I remembered several incidents of my life. Once, I along with my family went to some friends of my father. They were Syed by caste.  Since I had been raised in a very closed circle so my mental flight was quiet limited. I actually feel stupid everytime I remember how I gawked at the sight of them. Uncle was a long lost friend and my dad was meeting him after years and as for us, we were meeting for the very first time. His daughters were quiet beautiful. Tall, slender, pretty and very modern. (‘God! We are so paindo’ I thought looking at my simple cotton dress and white shawl covering my head n body)

As soon as we settled in, the eldest daughter showed her dislike towards my shawl. I felt my face grow hot and gave a very crispy reply to her ( not necessary to quote)

But what caught me by surprise was her reply : “x cuz me ! we are syed. You cant talk to us like that!!!”

Another time I remember a baba jee, as soon as he knew my name he started to look at me with strange respect which undoubtedly spooked me out.  And later I came to know that it was my name. According to him, half of my sins are already exempted. I was like wow..

So you see, the word totally spun the reality. I felt bad for the poor people who were living in fool’s paradise.

Surah e At tur (17-20)

Yaqeenan mutaqi baghoon aur naimatoon men hoon gey. Lutf le rahe hoon gey un cheexun ka jo ata farmai hain inhien in k rab ne, aur bacha le ga in ko in ka Rab azab e jahanum se.( in se kaha jaye ga) khao aur peo maze se, siley men in aimal k jot um kerte rahe ho.woh taqiye lagaye baithey hoon gey Qatar andar Qatar aur bia dien gey hum inhien khobsurat ankhoon wali hoorun se.

Translation: "As to the Righteous, they will be in Gardens, and in Happiness,-Enjoying the (Bliss) which their Lord hath bestowed on them, and their Lord shall deliver them from the Penalty of the Fire.(To them will be said:) "Eat and drink ye, with profit and health, because of your (good) deeds."They will recline (with ease) on Thrones (of dignity) arranged in ranks; and We shall join them to Companions, with beautiful big and lustrous eyes."

I mean with these false concepts , where do we stand. I sometimes imagine myself at the judgement day. In my mind I see it as my final year presentation with ALLAH being the only panel and angels ready to hand me out the results. And suppose ALLAH asks me about my deeds and the reasons. Will I give reasons like since my name was so Islamic, I thought you wont punish me *blush*. OH No..!

This scares the hell out of me.

But wait what is the definition of ‘mutaqi’ by the way? I know what pious means. But we are talking about practical things not literal meaning.

I remember Hazrat Umer (R.A)’s quote where he exemplified the difficulties of life and living in this world by walking in a dense thorny forest, with the challenge that you will come out clean. And no thorn will tear your clothes.

How difficult is that!? I don’t think restricting yourself to the 5 pillars is enough. Being pious means your every move, every step, every action, every word, every intension should be clean and for ALLAH.

Surah at tur ( Ayyat21)

“Aur wo log jo eman laye aur chali un k naqshe qadm per un ki olad kissi darjae eman mien, mila dien gey hum in k sathus olad ko aur na ghataien gey hum un k emal men se kuch b. har insaan apne kamaye huwe emal k badle mien rehn hai.”


Translation: "and those who believe and whose families follow them in Faith,- to them shall We join their families: Nor shall We deprive them (of the fruit) of aught of their works: (Yet) is each individual in pledge for his deeds."

May ALLAH provide us with true guidance and give us internal strength to use our wisdom for the search of true path and seek Raza e Ilahi. Amen.

WHAT A GUY WANTS?

After years of intense research, I am finally writing the essence of my studies. This world is a strange place and to add to it, it’s being run by the most complicated species. What!? Chimpanzee?  Not really but very similar to it... ya right MAN!

 Since childhood I had heard people saying phrases like: ‘women are so impossible to understand’

‘It takes a life time to understand a woman’

‘No one has yet been able to define the heart n making of a woman’ blah blah…

But tell you what? This is all bullshit.

An unnecessary hype created by our beloved counter gender... May be they wanted to divert the world’s attention... whatever!

I have seen so many girls crying over the same line: “I dono who chahta KIA hai?”

And tell you what? It’s true, a man never reveals his heart to a woman... out of complex (inferiority or superiority  ... God knows!!)

I feel so sorry for the girls who get into relationships and to add in the misery they vow to end this up in marriage and in this struggle they give up their own selves. And THIS is their mistake. They just blindly follow the orders of a stupid ass to get a smile in return and by the time the man ditches the girl because ‘she is not the one I loved’, a girl is left with nothing. (spilt milk!)

I don’t get this psyche seriously, why do you want to change the poor soul at all? I think the first time you saw her, she was NOTHING like your dream girl, what the hell is wrong with you now? * Duh*

  Usually there is a phrase that guys use as a pet advice: “larki k peeche jitna bhago gey who tum se utna dur bhagey g”

But sesly this is so applicable on guys… if you keep them in their limits they will always know that they are talking to a human being and not a robot. And this will help them keep their attitude under control.

Bano Qudsia wrote in one of her books: “azal se mard ka masla mohabbat raha hai aur aurat ka shadi”

Men can never get enough of this love thingy… I heard that Rivers Dajla n Euphrates are from heavens and they will never dry... I think something of the same kind flows from a man’s heart too...  I mean what else explains a love affair resulting in marriage, then another affair, another, another n another (not resulting in marriage) and if a man is lucky the last one ends in marriage.. again!

But funny is the fact the as soon as molvi sahib says ‘Amen’ after nikkah, dhulha mian starts to regret the fact ‘shabeena ko kiun kaha, kaash samina ko keh deta.. yeh to mujhe moti lag rahi hai’ ..lol…

Too bad I chose to be an environmental scientist in life… otherwise I would have surely invented an instrument that could tell the updates of a man’s heart... I mean who wants to know about the fractions of phosphorus in human and cattle waste (my final year project = [ )

But there are 2 sides of the coin… as much as I like my debate on men; I cannot ignore the fact the women are also to be blamed. Men are jus as much human as you are (with of course some changes). Why treat them like Gods. It’s a common trend in our society, we give so much importance to the son that he eventually looses contact with earth n takes permanent residency in skies. This is unnatural. Mothers don’t realize it, but this is unhealthy for the child. And to some extend its injustice.

If u ask me, I’d tell you to treat humans like humans. Gender comes after humanity. If you are not a good human being, nobody gives a damn to your organs!

Even Allah says in Quran: “ aur ALLAH hadh se tajavaz kerne waloon ko napasand kerta hai.”

So we should all act within our limits.

And as far as the question ‘what a guy wants?’ is concerned, I think that varies from person to person … you never know there might be some intelligent women out there who have already gotten the secret J …

And me?? I cant wait to apply some well thought tactics on my guy =p  [if he comes to me in this life time]

BOL Beti Bol....!!

When the baby girl buried alive is asked, for what sin she was killed

: “Aur jab zinda dargoor larki se poocha jaye ga  k who kiss gunah mien marri gai: (surah at taqweer Ayyat 8 , 9)

No doubt this ayaat is with reference to the Arab tradition where the birth of a girl was considered as a stigma on white turbans of the proud fathers who couldn’t take the blame for the X chromosome.

It was 1400 years ago, and we call it “the dark time” but ask the innocent daughter of new age and she’ll call that period less darker than today. I will, at least.

A child with the age of not more than a few hours, if she is buried alive, how much she has to suffer before dying? I think it was quiet thoughtful of them to kill them for once and for all, unlike today. Where a daughter is given birth, raised and married... And this long process, she is killed many times.

In the name of honor, respect, pride,love, bet, rivalry and for the sake of sons.

I wonder, On Judgment day when Allah will ask the buried baby girl for her death, how many times will He ask us, the daughters who live....and die each day.

The daughters who are born to drunk and wild fathers and suffer because of the men who are proud to call themselves fathers and brothers. The innocent girl of 13 who was married to a 70 year old man because her father had lost her in gambling. Or the poor girl of 16 who was declared as ‘wani’, only because she would other wise share the inherited land.

The young lady who refused to bed the feudal lord and was served to the dogs for dinner. Will that pain ever pinch men? Each bite, each scratch... Each tear, each prayer... no answer...

The victim of gang rape, unacceptable for the family and society and the proud culprits, still the heads, still the authority.

The girl, who wanted to marry a Muslim man and was murdered because she dared to choose, The liberty ALLAH has given her, but the liberty society has snatched from her.

And four daughters in a row were butchered by their father with a testament that it had dawned upon him by ALLAH!

“Curse be on those, who falsify Allah’s word”

“Aur jhootun per Allah ki lanaat ho”(Al-Quran)

I have no voice. I am dumb. I am bound. I am speechless. My tongue is tied and my lips are sealed.

“I really want to travel to Makkah aur ALLAH k ghar ki chaddar pakkar ker I want to ask him WHY me…

Answer me, for heaven’s sake... kiun ALLAH kiun?

Kon sa azaab hai, naam to batao waja to batao… ghalti to batao.. phir do saza..

Ya yeh batao ALLAH k yeh azmaish hai kia?? Yeh mohabbat hai kia?? Aaiisii hoti hai mohabbat? Kiss cheez ka emtihaan hai?

Ya Mohammad k pass jaun? Bataien mujhe Ya Rasul ALLAH(s.a.w) ,,, ALLAH se kahien ap ko wahi karien.. Jabrial (A.S)ko bheejien.. Jawab laien Arsh se, Loah e mehfooz se… merii saza ki waja batien… qayamat ka intazar kon kare Ya Rasul Allah (s.a.w).. bht durr hai.. yahan to har lamha qayamat hai… har rah pul sirat hai…

Jab Umer(R.A) ne sawal kia to jawab mila Mohaamad ko(s.a.w).. mene sawal kia hai to mujhe b jawab dilaien..  App ki umat se hun,. Ap per haq hai mera. Ap ki dua per, ap ki rehmat, shafqat per, ap k saey per..

Kon sa ism perhoon Ya Allah.. kon sa vird karoon?

Ansoo beekar mere, dua be-asar.. I have failed every test..

Ik nazar ni hoti…

Khak hona perta hai..  aur jo Dil pehle se khak ho to?? Koi faida nhi? Allah jee ap kab se zahhir ko dekhne lagey?

Jiss ka dil khoon k ansoo rota ho.. us ki ankh k pani ki kitni qeemat ho g?

Jiss ki rooh har waqt Kabbah ka twaff kare, us k naseeb mien bait ul Allah se itni durri q?

Jo apna har dukh Mustafa k rozey ki jali ko tham k sunaye, us ki shunwai men takheer q?”

These are the words that come from the hearts of the daughters of Ummat but they die on their way to lips. The way from heart to tongue is long and we are very docile. Our strength is weaker than the strengths of the egos and our words are no match to the hands that beat us to silence.

These two pages, these few words are written with bleeding hands. They are not enough and not effective... They wont ever be...

We are the silent victims of ALLAH’s creation. We are the daughters of today’s world.

Prayer or escape!?

Today while i was walking towards my tailor's shop, a car sped by me and i managed to read a line printed at the back screen. :" ALLAH MUJH KO AAISA BANA DEY K TUJH KO PASAND AA JAUN"
well, many such statements are uttered in prayers daily by us but i dont know why, at that moment it struck me as funny.
I remembered an Ayyat from Quran: "And if your Lord had so willed, He could surely have made mankind one Ummah, but they will not cease to disagree. Except him on whom your Lord has bestowed His mercy, and for that did He create them. And the Word of your Lord has been fulfilled (His saying): "Surely, I shall fill Hell with Jinn and men all together.'' (Surah Hud. Ayaa' 118. 119)

Now now, I admit that prayers like above are a work of innocence and oblivion. Ignorance, if i dare to be a bit more straight forward and brutal in my choice of words. Think deeply and it'll occur to you that statements like these are not only our prayers but also our blind belief. I strongly feel that people here misunderstand the Ayyat of Quran where Allah says
 " Verily, his command, when He intends a thing, is only that He says to it, :Be," and it is."
Translation:"Aur us ki shan yeh hai k jab woh kissi kam ka irada kerta hai to kehta hai ho ja to woh ho jati hai."  (Surah Yaseen. Ayat : 82)

As far as my fragile knowledge is, i think this Ayyat refelects the sovreigniety of ALLAH, Al mighty. the fact that nothing is world falls out of his grip and everything happens because of his profound will and the moment he needs the feel to create something (physical or scenarios) He, orders it "to be". This Ayaat is actually in context with the resurrection of people which is one of the biggest question mark for the people who donot follow Islam.

So coming back to the line which started all this argument, i donot say that its right or wrong. But the point is psychological. Its quiet simple, Allah  has made you a human, He gave you all the wisdom in this world, opened up roads to reasearch for you, what else do you want? Now, its in your hand to be evil or saint.
Coming to think of it, he has actually made you a Muslim, by birth. you are luckier than billions in the world. You cant just expect ALLAH to run your errands because you are too lazy a bone to move. plus this false ignorance is gonna stand no chance in His divine court. I think its time we open our eyes and smell the coffee. enough of this act. we are born to take charge of things. drive your won car lest you love getting smacked by so-called super powers.

Or may be, we are so used to Begging, that we cant help beg Allah to forgive us, make us good give us the comforts of heaven without our intension, our hard-work, without moving one bit. May be we want it to be like Hollywood or Walt Disney - even better! one day when i wake up, i am all saint :)
I wish I knew a spell that would wake the sordid soul of Muslims. Prayer is my spell....

Auth0r's nOte!

All the writings here are a work of fiction. I donot intend to disheart, discourage, manipulate, change, or distort anyone including mine image, personal opinions, facts, triditions or point of view.
the stories that have "I" as main character are not true. I take this " I" to be the representative of so many people out there who share the same interests and ponder over the same lines. but may be they are too busy to give it all a second thought or may be they donot find enough courage or they might simply not be pals with their pens. I, on the other hand, have no such obstacles in my path.

I am basically a student. not by profession but by nature. my major includes every science and art subject that exists in the world. for i belive that if i take up the challenge, this world will open up to me.
my questions are not restricted then why should my answers be?  I have decided to explore.

ALLAH says in Quran, in Surah e Alaq :" Periye apne Rab k naam se, jiss ne paida kia sab ko. Insaan ko jamey huwe khoon se paida kia. 
Periye aur AAP(s.a.w) ka rab sab se bara kareem hai, jiss ne qalam se seekhaya, insaan ko seekhaya jo woh na janta tha.
Hargiz nahi, insaan agar apne taien beperwa dekhta hai to sarkashi kerta hai. 
Beshak apne rab ki taraf lautna hai. kia AAP (s.a.w) ne usey dekha jo rokta hai ik bande ko jab woh namaz perhe, bhala dekho, agar yeh hidayat per hota ya perhaizgaari ka hukam deta. 
Bhala dekhien agar iss ne jhutlaya aur mun morra, kia iss ne na jana k ALLAH dekh raha hai? hargiz nahi, agar baaz na aya to paishani k baaloon se pakar ker zaroor ghaseetey hey. 
kaisi paishani? jhoti, gunahgar. 
To bula ley apni majlis ko, hum bulatey hain piadoon ko, nahi nahi, us ki baat na maan aur sajda ker aur nazdeek ho" ( Ayaate sajda)

p.s: i am open for comments and feed back. i donot expect anyone to agree with my words because it would be against nature. we can only make a difference, if we dare to differ!

She : the sequel..

She was certainly one of the most attractive girls in the crowd. There was an aura of decency and secrecy around her that caught the attention of the one looking at her, and her eyes, darting in all the directions, scanning things and x-raying people as if she would know their deepest secrets by just a glance and yet she appeared so uninterested. Like there was nothing in her surroundings that could keep her busy even for a few seconds. She was wearing black jeans and a dull pink t shirt that bore the F word very boldly. She had dyed some fragments of her hair blue that hung loosely over her shoulders. Her black backpack was decorated with badges and key chains and other accessories. Her wrists were full of bands and chains. Even with the weirdest of the dressing, there was none in the crowd, who would dare pass a rude comment, or gesture. She had a grace.


It was until after midnight but she was still wide awake. Something was constantly nagging her, and she felt very irritated. Throwing the sheets off her, she tiptoed to her writing table and switched on the table lamp. Pulling her dear diary from under the pile of books, she began unloading herself, hardly ever stopping to read what she was writing. Tears started to mound in her eyes and began running down her cheeks.She didn’t make any effort to stop herself. She finished writing and closed the dairy putting it back into its place; she slid back under her sheets and closed her eyes. She was in for a sound sleep.

It must have been near to zero that morning; the weather was still very cloudy as if it would start raining any second. She lay in her bed, thinking about the tough day ahead. She wished she could close her eyes now and excuse herself even for the Day of Judgment. Impossible. She took a deep sigh and came out of her cozy bed. First encounter with the cold sent a shiver down her spine.Trembling she went inside the washroom, the splash of the cold water over her face made her draw a sharp breath. It made her smile.
Putting on layers of warm clothing, under and over her uniform, she thought about her undone homework. It was the least of her worries. Within fifteen minutes she was all set to go out and struggle through another harsh day.

The chirping of a bird made her look up. It was a bright and fine winter day. The sun felt so good against her cold skin. She had been sitting on that wall for quite sometime. She needn’t count hours. It was her favorite spot in her neighborhood. Peaceful, calm and without any intrusion, her concept of heaven matched this location perfectly. Few people had passed her since her arrival there; they all had the same curious expressions and a smile that she was unable to decipher. She hardly cared.   Nothing mattered to her except for her own presence. It gave her pleasure to be with her own self. The charisma of the place was blocking all the unpleasant memories. She was grateful to have an automatic system like that. As she saw the silhouettes grow longer she knew she has less time now. Taking a deep breath she came back to the reality, picking her things up, she started to walk away, never looking back.

She stopped writing suddenly as if she had lost all the interest. Staring blankly at the unfinished line, she put her pen down. A sad smile touched her lips for a moment, she knew nothing will make her finished this script now.It was as if she’d been deprived of the words that were previously dawning upon her. She looked at the clock and wondered how she will manage to pass the day now with nothing to do. Even though it was her routine, she still wondered the same thing each day. Nothing in her life met the end.

                 

She turned the page of the book with distasteful expressions as if it was some bitter tablet she was forced to swallow. She scanned the whole page without any enthusiasm and threw it aside. Folding her arms on her chest, she did nothing for a few minutes, allowing herself to relax.Then she picked another book from the pile that she had dumped at her bedside. She rejected it by just looking at the cover, some had titles she didn’t approve and others had writers she thought had no right to write a book. She was clearly bored. She turned on the radio. Dj seemed to be blabbering and the music was nothing but noise. She turned it off. She realized that she had a headache. She decided to get back to the only interesting time pass she had. She started staring out of her window.

She twisted and turned, uneasy in her sleep. She could hear a siren far away, like an emergency alarm. It was all in her mind but she couldn’t ignore it. She heard someone walking quietly outside her room; she opened her eyes but couldn’t see anything in the pitch black darkness. She sat up in her bed.  Delicate moonlight was trying to peep through the cuts of the curtains. She heard the hurried footsteps grow faint. For what seemed like a lifetime, she sat there trying to calm her racing heartbeat then she laid back and hugged her pillow as tightly as she could. It was her only source of solace.

She had been sitting silently by the fireplace without moving at all. Anyone could take her for a mannequin, if she weren’t breathing. She could see the past events of her life like a film. Her muscles were tensing and relaxing from time to time. The cloudy evening had made the whole environment very sad yet very enchanting. The sound of the pouring rain on the metal roof gave a very eerie effect. Suddenly she got up and took her dear diary out of its usual place. Searching for a match box she found it near the fireplace. Grabbing it, she made her way out on balcony. She tore the first page and lit it. Then one by one she burnt it all, setting herself free from the ghost of her past that had haunted her for so long. She watched the pages turning into ashes. Relief spread across her face. She had turned her past into history.

She was sitting at the brink of a cliff. Several meters down she could see water, Dark and deep. She wondered what lay in the bottom. Her guess was peace. It was raining hard that day. Everything was misty and she could not see the mountains surrounding her because of the dense fog. It felt good to be covered with something, as if she had become invisible for the world. Fog was hiding her fears and secrets. She wished to leave them behind when she set off to her new journey. She hated her secrets and lies. She looked up at the sky and felt the thick sheet of water hitting her face hard. She wanted to melt away right there. She stood up, rising her both arms in the air, she jumped of the cliff, headlong into the mystical water. A new journey had begun.

HE.... the perished love!

The patient was brought in an emergency in the middle of the night. He had incurred serious injuries, the blood covered face indicated handsome features. Right now, his strong body was laying lump on the stretcher. His arrival stirred the otherwise quite environment of the emergency room. The doctor on duty was alerted at once. He was a middle aged man; his features were soft and spoke of wisdom. He rushed forward and took charge. Giving off hurried instructions to his staff, he felt a pang of pity for the patient.

As he started to walk away, he spotted a girl, leaning across the door’s frame. In all the hurry, nobody seemed to have noticed her. She had also sustained injuries; he could tell that she was in pain. The doctor approached her but surprisingly she ignored him and ran towards where the patient had been taken. She absolutely refused to leave the patient there on the mercy of doctors. Understanding the trauma she might be going through, doctor treated her in the same room. The patient had been given the initial treatment and was shifted to the ICU. She had to leave him.  Two hours later, doctor came back to check on the patient, it took him by surprise to see her standing in the very same position looking through glass window. Her eyes were set on the patient’s bruised face. He hadn’t seen her cry once since her arrival; instead she had turned into a tear herself. Every inch of her was wailing silently. Years and years of practice in hospital had turned him somewhat, stoic towards the injuries and the pain but at the moment where night was blending into a new day, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for the pretty girl.  For the first time in the whole time he looked at her closely. She was fair and had dark hair, some fragments of which were dyed blue and they hung loosely over her shoulders. She wasn’t a neat freak. Wrist band and bracelets covered her wrists. She was wearing a black jeans and black jacket.

She sensed his presence and titled her neck a little to see who it was. Her eyes were very dark, almost black. Black hole was the word that popped into his mind. There was nothing in those eyes, like those deep wells that ended up nowhere in earth.  He tried to judge what was going inside her head by looking at her face and expressions but he failed. Her face was blank as sheet. Not even pain was registered there. He felt disappointed and wondered who she was and what made her stand in the chilly corridor for the patient. What the hell was she thinking!

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She heard the doctors footsteps grow fainter. She took a deep sigh and rested her head against the window. She couldn’t believe it was him, lying their covered with a white sheet as if he were dead. But how can he be dead. She knew he can’t die. Not like that.  Suddenly, she found herself traveling back in time.

She had been sitting quietly on her favorite wall, doing catharsis. Life had been so strange, not once in her 19 years of life she felt related. On the contrary, she always found herself to be an alien. She never understood which of the two parties was defected: world or herself.

She was so deeply engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the stranger approaching her. It was his intended cough that broke her train of thought. Displeasure spread across her face, she did less to hide it. She hated the intrusion and made it very clear to the stranger by her gestures. She took no time in walking away from the place. She hated him for breaking in into her privacy. Who the hell was he!

In the coming days, she encountered him many times and every time she replied his smile with a cold stare. She was sure her stare was cold enough to change the physical state of liquid into ice but it was he, who seemed to take no notice of it. Her irritation level rose each time she saw him. Many a times she walked towards her favorite wall only to find him sitting there already. What the hell does he want!

Days passed by and she grew tired of the irritation or maybe she had just compromised with his presence. In her mind, she had accepted him to be a part of that wall and stopped feeling uneasy at his presence. She started to go there again for she couldn’t stay away from that place for much long. A part of soul lived there. 

She was used to having non living things as her secret keepers, may be that’s why it took her so long to accept a breathing soul as her friend and when she finally did, she felt so deeply affiliated to him as she was the lost part of him. She would just sit and look into those honey-colored eyes and see a whole new world waiting. It was another alien feeling: To love and to be loved.

It caught her off guard completely, the strength of his feeling and that of her own and the bond they shared. He would know of the prefect thing to say to her, surprising her every time with his care and love and his capability of making her joyous. He had built her a house on cloud number 9! And in return she had given her everything she owned, her heart, mind, soul, her thoughts, her love, care and trust. She had rested her life in his hands. He was all she had ever owned.

She came into reality when the nurse on duty politely asked her to go home and rest. She noticed that that broad daylight had spread in the corridor. Rest, how could she go away when she could see him suffering? She nodded her head and tried to concentrate again on him but she felt dizzy. She tried to keep herself upright but the world before her was swaying and before she could understand anything she fell down hitting the ground with a force. Everything went black.

It was the month of September, the sky that evening was very clear and clouds had formed strange shapes. She spent sometime trying to give funny names to the cloud shapes but soon turned her attention to the book she had meant to read for so long. It was a love story; she loved it until the hero met an unfortunate end and died. The intensity of the story made her heart ache and she couldn’t help but cry. For the girl, the guy and for the very love that was there and the unfortunate end they met. She needed her consoler. And as soon as his name popped into head, the phone rang. He couldn’t make out a single word through her muffled voice and sobbing, but listened to her nevertheless.

She remembered him coming to her house after sometime and taking her to the beach. She sat on a rock and folded her arms around her legs and rested her head over them. He sat near her. Night fell: Long and silent. She refused to go home. He didn’t insist. When she got tired of sitting, she rested her head on his shoulder .it was the first ever intimate contact between them. He spread his arm around her and took her in his strong embrace.  She remembered falling asleep in his sweet embrace that night on that beach rock. Her head resting upon his chest and hand placed directly over his heart. She loved the beating motion of the heart and wanted to thank the organ for pumping life into him. She woke up when the sun ray hit her face. For some time she couldn’t understand where she was. She looked up to see his smiling face. She couldn’t believe he sat there all night and never moved, only to let her sleep peacefully. He took care of her like she was a doll made of glass, delicate and precious. She felt shy being so close to him, but his casual attitude gave her confidence. She loved being with him, every moment of it. She so wished she had a stop watch. She would have frozen the time, right then and there! Forever.

A prick in her arm stirred up her senses. She opened her eyes and found herself laid down in white bed. It was a hospital bed. She remembered everything and regretted it. She had no idea how much time had passed but it was hours for she could see the sun going down in the sky. The sky was red like a mourner’s blood shot eyes. She saw the doctor coming, and tried to sit, couldn’t so she dropped the idea. He gave her an encouraging smile but some how she felt as if he was hiding something. His smile gave him away. She again tried to get up, this time the doctor help her. She tied her laces, one of which came loose again, as always. She remembered this to be their joke. He always called the loose lace her, because it could never be tightened. She walked passed the doctor, entered the lobby and moved towards the ICU. She didn’t enter it; she had already seen the empty bed through the glass window. Her heart was ripped off her chest. She drew in a breath with difficulty. A pang of pain traveled across her body but she didn’t care. She knew it was just the beginning of it. There was a long way to go and he had left her with this as her companion.

She dropped her head and made her way to the exit. The doctor tried to say something to comfort her but found himself deprived of words. Before she disappeared from his sight, he saw a single tear make its ways out of her eye and ran down her cheek. She took no notice of it.

 The doctor took a deep sigh and tried to imagine what her life would be like from now onwards. He had no idea.

scarf: my journey

I am 22 years of age, very liberal, extrovert and extremely rebellious by nature.

My story begins from the time I had gained enough conscious to understand that I was a human. Oh only God knows how I hated all the sanctions put on me by people, culture, traditions and to some extend religion. Not that I wasn’t proud of being a Muslim or I wanted a free hand but I just couldn’t stand the exaggeration in religion and self created stringent rules. I loathed the artificial world that was created around me by the people who followed their own version of Islam and manipulated the social and cultural norms.

I never cared much about head covering and veil thingy. I knew it wasn’t the criteria for the judgment of character. i liked my hair open, that didn’t make me a bad girl. At least I was better than the ones who wore Abayas and dated boys. I had seen too much of this fake abaya dramas to believe in it. I loved the way I was, loved to be myself.

Anyway, as much as I looked like an alien (not to mention how I felt) in this world of self beliefs, deep inside my heart I knew I was destined to be somewhere else. But I just couldn’t figure out where. Every time I found myself stuck in any tight spot, I cried and begged ALLAH for help, any indication that He is there, listening to me, loving me.

Truly speaking I never, for once, got it, no matter how hard I begged and for how long.. I was in dark. i felt like a child who had been separated from her mother in a square and had no idea which way to do. With so many people surrounding her, she felt scared enough to loose sanity.

Frustration piled up inside me and at times I would just find no solution and burst all of a sudden. My family, folks, friends and foes all thought that I was too weird for this world. I suspect many wished to dissect me to know if I was human enough from within ( lol, thankfully they weren’t impulsive)

Ok! Cutting the long story, my life was a mess. I had no idea what the hell was happening to me. Like nature had something against me. What ever I wished for , never happened and exactly what I NEVER wished for came to me as if it was fate. 

After fsc I wanted to go along with my besties to an out of city college at any cost, living and studying without them was suffocating. Guess what happened? Correct! They went away, and I was left alone once again. For 3 years of my uni life, I tried to blend in, killed who I really was, shunned my talents and did what not to be acceptable.

And then one day, a teacher walked in my class and now that I look back. It can see that moment as the golden one. I must be very lucky that he walked in MY class, out of all the classes in the world.

Slowly and gradually, the thick layer of dust began to remove from my heart and I breathed again after centuries. He was a PhD and he was also an Islamic scholar. I argued with him about Islam, with the little knowledge I had gathered from different sources. I asked him about the little sanction in the name of Islam that were suffocating me and about the rigidity.. I talked to him like he was a friend and he listened to me, with that smile on his face like he understood the frustration, the sadness in me. I argued about my views regarding head scarves and how people mistreat it and it’s more a sign of an imposter than of a pious lady and I was not a MUNAFIQ! He didn’t argue back and I thought I had him convinced. (Huh! I knew I could do it: my mind voice said)

The semester ended and he headed to Saudia. By that time I was very much attached to him. I thought that the little journey I had traveled in his borrowed light in this dark jungle has come to a halt and I will be lost in the dark again.

What I didn’t know was the script had something else. I suddenly felt stronger than before. I felt like now is the time that I should take control of my life. I should do, what I want. I am the driver of my car.

And I decided to take my first step towards Allah. If he never responded to me, why not? I had to find him. I found my spirit at his door step, knocking vigorously at his door. My stubborn soul lingered there till the time I heard footsteps. The door didn’t open but I had his attention now. It was ecstasy for me. Then I open the book of revelation. I finally got myself answers to the misery that had kept me wailing since before my birth.   

: “and it’s not Allah that does injustice to man, it is man himself who does wrong to himself” (AL Quran)

The word used there was ZULM. My voice echoed in my ears: “ALLAH kiun hum per zulm kerta hai, ussey tars bhi nhi ata?”

                                           

The more I read the deeper I fell in love with Him. He deserved to be loved.

And one day I covered my head with a head scarf. I was claustrophobic, I still am but the strength of His love is far greater than my phobia.

I had learnt that it was his order for us, the women to cover our heads. I had learnt that there was no denying the order, there was so path except Allah’s, no power except his, no will except his. There was jus ALLAH everywhere. Most importantly I had learnt that when u are in love, you are not supposed to argue!

I knew all along that I was a stray soul, bound to reach the destiny sooner or later. Thankfully I have! 

OSAMA in Abbottabad

some distant noise growing nearer... i heard them in my sleep but i was too deep asleep to give it any meaning. who cares anyway..it was past one in the night. and just the moment when i was about to slip back into my unconscious, a HUGE sound hit my ears ( felt like it had hit me on my head). i woke up in bewilderment, more from the fact that something heavy had landed on me, only to discover that it was my younger sister who had jumped for her life (not thinking about the danger she had posed me : suffocation) i freed myself from her grasp and tried to analyse the situation. :" very odd" Abbottabad is usually very calm and public ears are not used to such unusual noises and sounds. i would have blamed thunder for causing it but the clear night sky was too obvious to ignore. my elder sister rushed in and told me in a troubled voice :" i think the Indians have attacked us!" (thanks heaven, it was just a silly thought). Dad claimed it to be SSG exercise (We live in Academy) and that it aint a big deal..LOL.. in next fifteen minutes it was clear that it is actually a VERY big deal. It was all over the electronic media.. A heli crash!?

OMG!! WTH!?

A HELI CRASH...

IN ABBOTTABAD!?? AT 1:30 AM??

WHO THE $%^& WAS FLYING THAT GOD DAMNED PIECE OF SHIT!?

 of course those were my very own remarks. i mean what else would you expect if something this horrible wakes u up in the middle of the night. So, i called my cousin who fortunetly or unfortunetly ( i can't decide)lives very near to the place of crash. "ok! so it was a heli and it did crash. people injured, area sealed,forces have taken charge, no media allowed, no people allowed beyond a certain point, not a bird can fly without showing id card and special permission.. ya Right!"

and the next day's sun comes up.. excited and bursting to tell the whole world the news of the decade. OSAMA BIN LADEN HAS BEEN FOUND AND ASSASSINATED IN ABBOTTABAD BY AMERICAN FORCES.

Duh! off all the places in the world he chose Atd!?what the... diabetes must have damaged his brain cells. but then again it wasn't a bad choice given that the weather over here is extremely pleasant and atmosphere is very peaceful.

Me and my fellows kept on thinking about the possibilities of seeing Osama at the famous Ilyasi Mosque treating himself well with fine pakoras and a cup of tea:D

or who knows how many times we must have had the privilege to travel with him in the local transport or all the baba jees we see in winters wrapped tightly in shawls, one of them could be Osama, out to get some winter sun. Oh shoots! i lived so near to a celebrity and couldnt even manage an autograph? let alone a picture =(

Btw what impressed my mom the most was the fact that even when he was on the run, he kept his wives and

children with him. like a real man :"Oh it is so responsible of him! All men should learn a lesson or two from him. i am impressed!" (MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!)

All the TV channels, print media, social pages, blogs,mobile msgs, everything revolved around two things. Osama and Abbottabad. OK! we are famous now but do we need all this paparazzi? I was so at peace living in Abbottabad, and now the whole world knows where i live... LOVELY!

Ending on a serious note, i am sure that whole of the world would agree with me on this. America may be a superpower in their own eyes but this doesnt give them the right to disgrace other nations and countries. our country's sovreignity should have been respected. although we have corrupt leader, bad governance, poor administration, economy is going down the gutters even then.... why shouldn't america be hated? 3000 americans were killed in WTC.8 lakh muslims have paid for this with their blood.. what else is the cost?