INQALAB ZINDABAD!!

People on streets, no traffic, markets closed, green bandanas on head, emotions in the air, passion in the eyes, anger in gestures, the ‘do or die’ aura around masses and only one demand on the lips of so many “ inqalaab, inqalaab”

Govt trying to control the situation, usage of tear gas and shells to dismiss the crowd, fire opened on innocent protestors, many killed, hundreds injured. No use, no result!

I was among the protestors wearing the green sign proudly. I shouted ‘inqalaab’ till my throat started to hurt. This went on for days without any result. It seemed to go on forever and ever…

I felt tired but enthusiastic also for it was the only solution to the disparity of our society. “Inqalaab, inqalaab” I shouted along with my fellow protestors. “Inqalaab, inqalaab” my voice started to grow fainter. My soul gradually left my body. I felt it go distant…

It was a life time before I finally felt intact but no one around me seemed to notice. I saw the whole scene with a new insight and began to retrieve my footsteps until I was away from the crowd still demanding ‘inqalaab’

I lay awake staring in the sky. The word had just stuck to my mind. My soul had seen it with the eye of a third person and the report said: “you are asking for something you have no idea about. Who are you addressing? The govt? You want the officials to resign? Will it solve your problem?”

There were so many questions and no answer. I was going ballistic searching for them but all I could see was dark.

I begged Al-Mighty, my source of solace and my last resort to help me. A word popped in my head: “IQRA”

So I set out for a new journey and as I read the last line of the biography of Prophet Mohammad (P.B.U.H), I smiled.

Inqabaab – change and that too drastic.

That is what we want and that is something we are ready to die for… right?

Wrong! Because surprisingly it is a very peaceful process and requires zero blood shedding. The only requirement is dedication and will power, for it starts with bringing a change in your own self.

Analyze your personality keeping Hazrat Mohammad (S.A.W) as standard and you will know what is lacking in us which is proving to be a hurdle in the way of inqalaab.

Right now the sins we commit and the bad habits we own are not any individual’s problem rather it has become a national dilemma. Every one in our society indulges into lying, cheating, embezzlement, bribery, deceiving and what not. We commit sins that are in our reach and that too with justifications.  We even have the nerve to mold our religion 
according to our own will.

"All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those which are
disclosed to the people. For example a person commits a sin at night
and though Allah screens it from the public, in the morning he says.
"O so-and-so, I did such-and-such evil deed"

Sahih Bukhari Hadith No. 980 Book 78, Chapter 60 Narrated by Ibn Umar (r.a.)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) cursed the one who bribes and the one who takes bribe.

Sunan of Abu Dawood Hadith No. 1595 Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

"The most hated person in the sight of Allah is the most quarrelsome person."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 003 Book 043 Hadith number 637           Narrated by Aisha (r.a.)

Hazrat Abu Hurairah (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) narrates, in a hadith, that the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, "The signs of a hypocrite are three; whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; whenever he promises, he breaks his promise; if you have trust in him, he proves to be dishonest.




Abdullah bin 'Abbas narrates in one hadith, "Abu Sufyan bin Harb informed me that Heraclius had sent a messenger to him while he had been accompanying a caravan from Quraish. They were merchants doing business in Sham, at the time when Allah's Apostle(Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) had truce with Abu Sufyan and Quraish infidels. So Abu Sufyan and his companions went to Heraclius at Ilya (Jerusalem). Heraclius called them in the court and he had all the senior dignataries around him. He called for his translator who, translating Heraclius's question said to them, "Who amongst you is closely related to that man who claims to be a Prophet?" Abu Sufyan replied, "I am the nearest relative to him (amongst the group)." Heraclius said, "Bring him (Abu Sufyan) close to me and make his companions stand behind him." Abu Sufyan added, Heraclius told his translator to tell my companions that he wanted to put some questions to me regarding that man (The Prophet) and that if I told a lie they should contradict me." Abu Sufyan added, "By Allah! Had I not been afraid of my companions labelling me a liar, I would not have spoken the truth about the Prophet(Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). The first question he asked me about him was 'What is his family status amongst you?' I replied, "He belongs to a good (noble) family amongst us." Heraclius further asked, "Has anybody amongst you ever claimed the same (i.e. to be a Prophet) before him?" I replied, "No." He said, "Was anybody amongst his ancestors a king?" I replied, "No." Heraclius asked, "Do the nobles or the poor follow him?" I replied, "It is the poor who follow him." He said, "Are his followers increasing or decreasing (day by day)?" I replied, "They are increasing." He then asked, "Does anybody amongst those who embrace his religion become displeased and renounce the religion afterwards?" I replied, "No." Heraclius said, "Have you ever accused him of telling lies before his claim (to be a Prophet)?" I replied, "No." Heraclius said, "Does he break his promises?" I replied, "No. We are at truce with him but we do not know what he will do in it." I could not find opportunity to say anything against him except that. Heraclius asked, "Have you ever had a war with him?" I replied, "Yes." Then he said, "What was the outcome of the battles?" I replied, "Sometimes he was victorious and sometimes we." Heraclius said, "What does he order you to do?" I said, "He tells us to worship Allah and Allah alone and not to worship anything along with Him, and to renounce all that our ancestors had said. He orders us to pray, to speak the truth, to be chaste and to keep good relations with our kith and kin."

This is the inqalaab, we are searching for on the streets and in our demands of resigns.  We all are the same. If this current govt does resign others with same sins, same intentions, same level of corruption will take over. We need to take the social evil out from the root and believe me it has its roots in our hearts too!

“…It was asked, ‘will we be destroyed whilst the righteous are amongst us?’ He (s.a.w) said, ‘Yes, if the corruption increases (beyond bounds)

[Saheeh al-Bukhari and Muslim, on the authority of Zaynab bint Jahsh about the Ya’jooj]”

We need to get our facts straight before blindly following the one with Inqalaab as a slogan.

We are in dire need of change of heart. The test is not to say I believe in Allah, the Exalted rather is to stay firm on this statement. With us, we change with every moment, our heart changes and that's why this is called Qalb (heart) meaning overturns. This was the reason that our Prophet, Sallaho Aleikhe wasallam, frequently used to make doa'

 "O, Allah, the One who changes the heart, make my heart steadfast on your religion".

These difficult moments are a must-part of every one's life (Muslim or otherwise) and Allah, the Exalted says

“Verily, along with every hardship is relief, verily, along with every hardship is relief."  (Surah Alm Nashra: 5-6)

May Allah help us walk on the true path. Amen.


[i would like to acknowledge Dr Tahir Amin who wrote the last lines for me to understand ]

A deep sigh & a tear!

After carrying out a long and tiring routine of 11 hrs I could think of nothing except my beloved bed. Crossing the TV lounge, I stood there to listen to the ‘9o’clock news’ and I wish I never heard that.

Watching the vdo of  poor guy being ruthlessly murdered by rangers, I stood rooted to the ground. The people with guns were the authority. They had the might and they were right... really?

A voice continued to shout in my head : ‘go to your room and sleep, you don’t want to see this’ but I was too shocked to act upon the order.

The fact that it was all true and happened in my own land made me nauseous. I couldn't keep that guy’s face off my mind. Imagine yourself in his shoes for a moment. Imagine his level of fear seeing the rifle pointed at his chest. The fear that he’ll be hit by a bullet, the expected pain of a bullet piercing through his body, the helplessness at not being able to save himself, the pleas of having mercy, begging the ranger to let him go and not shoot him, the trembling legs and the fast paced heartbeat, the cold sweat. Imagine him shouting the name of ALLAH and Mohammad (P.B.U.H) and imagine a Muslim turning deaf ears to all of the above and shooting him to death!

What did he feel when the first bullet hit his hand. He must have been taken by surprise. He must have had that last hope, that last fragile faith that he will survive. What was he thinking!? He should have known that he was not going to survive with so many angels of death surrounding him. Was he a goof to think that people with ‘guns’ will let him go and merely just because he was asking mercy in the name of ALLAH!?  

Didn’t he know that he lives in the land of ‘no justice’?  Pakistan is a no man’s land… there is jungle law here. Might is right. That guy was stupid to expect anything good. He had to be punished! And that too by the hands of security rangers who are securing God knows who from whom on the streets of Karachi.

I heard someone sobbing. Surprisingly it was me! I was crying in the dead of the night on the cold blooded murder of my countryman.

But I had no right to cry! No one in this country owns the right to cry over each other, because we are dead at heart. And let’s assume that we were there at that time. All we would have done was made videos that would later go on air with the titles of ‘ARY EXCLUSIVE’ and ‘GEO EXCLUSIVE’. Or else we would want to be ‘GEO DOST’ by sending in our videos. We don’t have enough courage to stop anyone from doing injustice. We lack the X factor of humanity.

Same happened in the case of Muneeb and Mughees and the wound of kharotabad incident still bleeds.

We are so indifferent towards Humanity, as a nation that it makes me sick to even call us Humans. We are a stigma!

For the first time, I felt so ashamed that I don’t even want to mention ALLAH in my article. I didn’t find any courage to open Quran to find the solution to our inhumanity, our sickness, our barbarism.

But I tried nevertheless. I closed my eyes and opened the Book. And there I saw, written in the sparkling words was the answer.

"InnAllaha laa yoghayyiru maa bi Qawmin hattaa yoghayyiroo maa bi anfusihim"
( Ar-Ra’ad 13:11)

“Allah will not change what is in any nation, until they all collectively make a change occur in what is in themselves.” (Ar-Ra’ad 13:11)

The last light of hope died inside me for I remembered the words of our prayer. “Oh ALLAH! Have mercy on us and change us for good”

Here is the answer to our prayer!

Why would ALLAH want to have mercy on us when we don’t have an ounce of mercy for each other?  He is the creator of all. He has put enough mercy in animals even. Don’t you see the videos of national geographic? A lion not eating the lost baby deer, a dog taking care of a kitten, a python playing with a baby boy… All these are the sign of mercy.

‘Nothing will change!’

I took a deep sigh and shook my head.

‘Nothing will change’

I turned off the light and closed my eyes.

‘Nothing will change’ the angel wrote. ‘Unless you want it changed’ he added.

ILM aur GHAROOR

Looking at the course of the society, every person with a hint of vision would tell you the same thing: “ the time is near”. Even I have heard many learned people talk about it. Now the question that arose in my mind was: “so what?” I know it sounds a little retard but rationally thinking it is the only worthy question at the moment. We know that the time is near, the society is at the brink of collapse, moral values have long been ditched, people are moving happily against Allah’s set rules but how to control it all? Is there a spell that would just change everyone’s heart at once? A spell that is applicable to all the humans? Do we have a solution!?

I don’t know about others but whenever I wondered about it, I found myself to be blank. I spent ages pondering over this and one day it hit me, at a very odd hour.

I was as usual performing the ‘farz exercise’ aka namaz. Same thing since it’s without emotions, feelings, love and sometimes even without direction… anyway, out of nowhere at all, in the middle of the prayer it struck me. The question in the first glance but actually the very answer I was in search of.

“Who am I?” and coming to think of it. Who exactly am I? A human being... Oh what else?

Come on, use a broader prospective. Holistically seeing, I am... nothing...literally. This was the strangest discovery of my life. I imagined the globe in my mind and tried to see its contents.

I saw water in the form of oceans and seas, spread on miles covering 70% of the earth like some greedy soul , mountains standing up front like proud conquerors, huge glaciers with the strength to flood the whole world, volcanoes with the power to burn everything that comes in their way and I saw thousands of square kilometers covered with dense forest or simply with sand..

Have We not made the earth as a wide expanse, And the mountains as pegs? And (have We not) created you in pairs, And made your sleep for rest, And made the night as a covering, And made the day as a means of subsistence? And (have We not) built over you the seven firmaments. And placed (therein) a Light of Splendor? And do We not send down from the clouds water in abundance, That We may produce therewith corn and vegetables, And gardens of luxurious growth? ( Surah An Naba 6-16)

Kia hum ne zameen ko nahi banaya bichona (farsh)? Aur ppaharoon ko maikhien aur hum ne tumien jorey jorey paida kia aur tumare liye neend ko banaya araam aur hum ne raat ko orhana banaya.aur hum ne din ko moash ka waqt banaya. Aur hum ne banaye tumare upper sat mazboot asmaan .aur hum ne chamakhta huwa charagh (aftab) banaya. Aur hum ne pani bhari badliyaiun se utari moosala dhar barish takkey hum is se anaaaj aur sabzi nikalien aur pattun se lipte huwe baagh.( surah An Naba 6-16)

I desperately searched for myself but was unable to recognize my own face in 6.4 billion human beings residing on earth.

And  I thought I had something special in me that automatically makes me superior than so many, I thought I had some talents not many can acquire, I thought I stand out in a crowd. I was so in love with my unique traits. If it was true than why didn’t I stand out in the crowd of 6.4 billion human beings? Why wasn’t I as visible as those mountains or deserts or oceans?

It was the moment of self denial; I had to accept that I was “nothing” and not “something”. The realization struck me and struck me hard. It completely broke the small idol I had made of myself in heart and which I secretly admired and sometimes a step ahead.

For the first time in my life I went down in sadja, rested my head in front of Al-mighty with the truth that I was nothing. “khak” and it was HE, the All doer and All hearing. The divine power. The one and only and the only one.

“AND WHICH IS IT, OF THE FAVOURS OF YOUR LORD, THAT YE, WILL DENY?” (Surah Rehman)

Aur tum apne Rab ki kon kon si naimatun ko jhutlao gey.

But as soon as I folded my prayer mat, an unnamed sadness filled my heart. Not on the fact that I finally was accepting the reality of my being but on the fact that not many people can get this realization as I did. not because I was a smart head but because they have been deprived of gaining the vision.

They are unable to imagine the globe at all. They are unable to imagine the vastness of a desert or extend of a forest. The height of a mountain or the depth of the sea means nothing to them.

Say: "Who is the Lord and Sustainer of the heavens and the earth?" Say: "(It is) Allah." Say: "Do ye then take (for worship) protectors other than Him, such as have no power either for good or for harm to themselves?" Say: "Are the blind equal with those who see? Or the depths of darkness equal with light?" Or do they assign to Allah partners who have created (anything) as He has created, so that the creation seemed to them similar? Say: "(Allah) is the Creator of all things: He is the One, the Supreme and Irresistible." (surah Ar Rad 16)

:| “Un se poochoo asman o zameen ka rab kon hai? Kaho ALLAH . phir un se kaho ke haqeeqat yeh hai to kia tum ne usey chor ker aaise mehbood ko apna karsaaz thehra lia jo khud apne liye b kissi nafa o nuqsaan ka ikhtiyaar nhi rakhtey? Kaho, kia andha aur ankhoon wala barabar huwa kerta hai? Kia roshni aur tareeqiyan yaqsaan hoti hain? Agar aaisa nhi hai to kia un k thehraye huwe shareequn ne b ALLAH ki tarhan kuch paida kia hai k us ki waja se in per takhleeq ka mamla mushtabah ho gaya?  Kaho, har chez ka khaliq sirf ALLAH hai aur who yaqta hai, sab per ghalib.”

Is then one who doth know that that which hath been revealed unto thee from thy Lord is the Truth, like one who is blind? It is those who are endued with understanding that receive admonition. (surah Ar Rad 19)

“Bhalla yeh kiss tarhan mumkin ha k who shakhs jo tumare Rab ki iss kitab ko jo us ne tum per nazil ki hai haq janta hai aur who shakhs jo iss haqeeqat ki taraf se andha hai, dono yaqsaan ho jaien? Naseehat to danishmand log hi qabool kia kerte hain.”

They live a small world full of darkness. They are used to ignorance and the suffocated life. They are their own prisoners. The list contains not only the poor but our people in authority, our feudal lords, our so called leaders, our army men… the list includes Us, as a nation.

It is a Revelation sent down by (Him), the Exalted in Might, Most Merciful. In order that thou mayest admonish a people, whose fathers had received no admonition, and who therefore remain heedless (of the Signs of Allah. The Word is proved true against the greater part of them: for they do not believe. We have put yokes round their necks right up to their chins, so that their heads are forced up (and they cannot see).And We have put a bar in front of them and a bar behind them, and further, We have covered them up; so that they cannot see.The same is it to them whether thou admonish them or thou do not admonish them: they will not believe. ( Surah Ya Sin 6-10)

Yeh khudaye ghalib aur meherban ne nazil kia hai takke tum un logoon ko  jin k baap dada ko mutanabah nhi kiya gaya tha mutanah ker do, who ghaflat men pare huwe hain. Un men se aksar per khuda ki bat poori ho chuki hai aur who eman nhi laien gey. Hum ne un ki gardanoon men tauq dal rakhe hain aur who thoriyun tak phanse huwe hain aur un k sar ullal rahe hain.Aur hum ne un ki agey b deewar bana di hai aur un k peeche b, phr un per parda daal dia to yeh dekh nhi sakte. Aur tum un ko nasihat karo ya na karo un k liye barabar hai, so eman nhi laney k.

This is also worth mentioning that not letting the poor souls get educated because it turns you into a western geek is a baseless assumption. For the first word ALLAH revealed was IQRA which means ‘Study’.

Ilm and gharoor are inversely proportional to each other. Once you get hold of ‘ilm’ in a true sense. Its impossible for you to think high of yourself.

.

Once Maulana Rumi was passing by a stream. He was carrying all his books in both arms. He saw Tabraiz, an Aalim standing by the stream. He greeted him. Rumi invited Tabraiz to study his books which were the essence of his knowledge. Tabraiz took Rumi’s books and threw them in the stream. Rumi couldn’t believe and started yelling at Tabraiz because he had just wasted his all life’s hard work. Those books were the essence of his years and years of education and knowledge. Tabraiz, on seeing Rumi’s reaction, asked him: “is this it? Water can erase your knowledge that you are so proud of?” and bent down to retrieve the books. It astonished Rumi to see that books were dry and not damaged. Tabraiz shook them to remove the dust. He handed the books to Rumi and said: “this is my knowledge”

It showed Rumi the difference between the kind of knowledge he had collected all his life and the true ilm. His life changed from that moment onwards.

That was the ilm of Prophet (p.b.u.h) and his Sahaba and Auliya karaam.

ALLAH has not restricted Muslim men and women from seeking knowledge but society has. If I or you have found the lead, its now our duty to spread the light of realization.

May ALLAH forgive us all and help realize our responsibility and spread the truth. Amen.

What Mali baba has to say....

W

riting down the topic of the assignment I had no idea whom I am going to interview, where would I find such a man who falls perfectly into this poverty sketch. Somehow, I felt irritated. Making up the questionnaire was another headache. How many questions about poverty can possibly be asked??

Today, I finally thought of taking the interview of a man, who looked poor to me, our gardener who we call Mali baba. Why I thought of him as poor? Simply because at the age where he should been taken care of by his children and grandchildren and he should be taking rest and healthy food as much as possible, he goes from house to house working in the gardens. He tires himself up and works like a donkey to earn a few currency notes which still leave him and his family unfed and deprived of many basic necessities of life.

Prior to my interview, I took permission from him and sat on a chair beside him while he worked in my garden. His name was Mohammad Maskeen, aged 68. he had worked all through his life as a gardener, at first in a factory and after 21 years of service he retired and started to work independently to earn himself and his family livelihood.

He works a tough routine from 8 in the morning till 2 and is currently earning 6100 rs while working in 5 houses. Mali baba has 3 sons and 4 daughters who are now married. Currently, there are 9 members in the family, 3 of which are children. Mali baba clearly states himself as a poor man. I did a little background questioning and came to know that he wasn’t poor since generations. His father was a well established man. A middle class prosperous man, until his whole land was illegally taken away by some big fish. They had to then migrate to Kakul village from their native land. Today its been 40 years that he is living here.

On question regarding the occupation of his sons, Mali baba suddenly looked even older, “they are mechanics”, said Mali baba, “but their jobs are not permanent. Sometimes they get to earn 1000 rs but that is not very often. Winters specially bring bad luck when there are heavy rains and practically no work for people.” 

He talked about his third son who did a fine job in FA and now is in search of a job. “I have to give him 20 rs daily, if he gets a job my burden will lessen. I want him to do some respectful job unlike his brothers who have to get under the cars and deal with dirt all day. Being mechanic is not good.”

I felt very cruel in myself when I asked him about his expenditure. He took a deep sigh and said that his expenditure goes way beyond his capacity and reaches 12000 to 14000 per month. “A person has to survive in the society and interact with others in their time of need and it all requires money.” His coping strategy was the easiest and most widely used one: loan. Also he acknowledged the people who help him financially from time to time.

In his view, the society is full of exploiters and people don’t let go of a single chance to make money, even the ones who are already living a luxurious life. He narrated a sorry incident where he went to a doctor and he charged him with the usual 500 rs. It cost him 2000 rs all together without medicines and other tests. His whole budget was ruined. “Doctor could have shown some mercy, I am a poor man.”

However when I asked about being felt like a outcast due to poverty, his view were surprisingly positive. “No, I have always been an honest and hardworking man. and I take pride in my poverty although it wasn’t my choice but I am thankful to ALLAH for what he has given me. He people I work for and the people I live in, they all respect me and love me for what I am. I have never felt like being left alone. But of course you cannot set aside all the class differences. Some things are just there.”

I asked about his views regarding the elimination of poverty from society. He expressed his strong views about the educations as poverty eradicator and gave example of his own daughters who did different courses and became nurse and a teacher and are now earning decent living for their families. But on the other hand he clearly said:” poverty cannot be elimination from Pakistan unless there is corruption and oppression in the society. The rich are exploiting the poor and the poverty is increasing. Poor man has no say in this country.”  He talked about the British era and the good governance they had maintained. “The day the British were gone, it was all ruined for the common man”

In the last, I asked him to relate poverty with women. Does he think that women are a cause of poverty as Pakistan has 51% females out of the total population?  His answer was a strict:”Yes” 

“When women don’t work in the family, there is no way a family can cope with the growing expenses. Women have the ability to work and share the burden with men. Only than a family can stabilize and earn itself a decent living. Women should get educated and join different fields. The world is open for both genders. They should not restrict themselves and let themselves become a burden.”

Talking about the worst thing poverty can do a person Mali baba looked displeased. In his view the criminal activities are triggered by poverty and it’s the worst of all the effects. “Poverty arouses all the negative thoughts in a person when he sees the world full of bounties around him and he cannot get hold of even the minimum of it. One feels very frustrated and the only solution left is then theft, burglary and even worst murder or suicide. Those who don’t fear ALLAH and are not content and are not strong mentally usually adopt this path.”

I had no more questions but Mali baba had a lot to tell. Unfortunately I have less space here. The irritation I felt in the beginning slowly turned into sadness. The wrinkled face seemed like a history book, ready to be read. But nobody has enough time to unfold the unspoken stories that live and die each day on the streets of this land. I left Mali baba with a heavy heart. I have documented his story and quoted his words, instead I wish I could do something else to ease his pain. Prayer is my only weapon. May ALLAH bless us all. Amen.

For My School..

“Welcome. Of course, you have not forgotten your school. You appreciate it more today than you ever did, even in the days when you were still here, at home. Fond memories of the golden days float in upon your soul in moments of reverie. We know you love the old school. We know you still love ‘Mother.’”

 Aia has been home to all of us who have gathered here today to cherish the old memories and to share with the ones we were so close to, some time back in life. I am honored to speak on the behalf of all the graduates and to give words to their unsaid feelings. Of course words can never be enough, but that’s all I have to show my love and gratitude.

We have come here to remind our school and our faculty of the times when we were a part of you. You must remember all of us by names or by faces... I am sure seeing us all here must have brought back a flood of memories. It has for me. How can we forget these stairs that we had climbed a zillion times in our 12 years. And the labs that were our place of experimentation. And the grounds we have run in and this very stage, where we performed to win so many jalal baba interschool tableau competitions.

The memories we have all created together will always remain with us. And I am sure the ghost of our past will always linger in this very school.

I thank my dear teachers who made us what we are today with their tireless efforts and dedication and the school for providing us with the very platform we needed.

I would like all the graduates of Al imtiaz academy to please rise in their seats and pay a respectful tribute to our beloved teachers.

God bless our teachers and god blesses Al Imtiaz Academy.

An Army man!

August 1965:

“It’s been 5 years since we are married” she thought with a smile. She knew that it was impossible for him to remember the occasion and she was too clever to throw any hint at him. She loved taking him by surprise.

She had already wrapped the gifts, one for their anniversary and the other for his promotion. She loved the sight of newly added star on his collar. She was brought back to the real world when her 3 year old daughter started to cry. Wania was a cute lil baby with pink cheeks and eyes like her baba. The baby laughed so hard every time he threw her in the air and she landed safely in his strong arms.

As soon as the evening fell, she set the table and spent the rest of the time getting ready. She couldn’t decide the color, the dress, hair style.. “ God! I am behaving like a school girl” but she had to admit that getting ready for him excited her today just as it did on day one. She loved him.

Finally when she was all ready, she quietly went in the dinning room and sat there, waiting for him.

He honked the horn once, twice but nobody came to the door. “where is everyone?” after ten minutes, he helped himself with the gate but an uneasy feeling had already settled in. he couldn’t hear wania or her or even tv. The house was quiet like nobody had ever lived there. He quietly came forward and instead of going from the front door, he used the door that opened in dinning room. As soon as he clicked the handle, it opened with a little creaking sound. “What the………………!!” a shower of flowers fell on him and lights came on at the very same instant.

He saw a beautifully decorated table with a cake and candles. Standing besides the table was one of the most gorgeous ladies, he’d ever seen.

His heart filled with pride and love at the sight. He knew that this life time won’t be enough to thank this lady for her support and love.

September 1965:

It was the 3^rd war between Pakistan its rival by birth India. It created a havoc in the country but also stirred snoozing unity. People suddenly were living machine guns, the bullets were somehow more powerful than they were meant to be, morals were touching the skies and it seemed like some unseen force was at work. Noone was thinking of him/herself. It was just one concern in all the four corners of country: Pakistan and its safety!

Women, who must have given their every penny to get hold of a gold chain or ear rings, took no time in giving them to the government for buying weapon n bullets. Sons who were ‘noor ul aain’ for mothers were motivated to go to the front and fight the enemy. Children were given water jugs and made to stand on the roads so that no fighter would go thirsty. One hooter could bring about the black out and pin drop silence in the whole city.

Major was called on duty the very next morning at the Batala front. She stayed awake all night and kept looking at his face. Even in sleep she could sense a faint smile on his lips. She could feel the bright light that was hidden behind the closed eyelids. She offered her Tahajd and remembered nothing but her land while praying. She even forgot her daily prayer. At 4:30 he got up, offered his prayers and got ready to go. She tied ‘Imam zamin’ on his right arm. He kissed little wania on forehead. She must have disliked the intrusion in her sleep but after a loving pat went back to sleep.

“Fi aman Allah” . there wasn’t anything else to say. All the words were lost somewhere.they didn’t matter at that time anyway.  Her heart swelled with pride, looking at his strong back and firm stride.

4 days later:

The door bell rang. She opened it to find a uniformed officer standing outside. “Are you Major Sahab’s wife?”

“No.” she replied in a steady voice. “I am Shaheed Major’s Wife”

the young officer bowed his head.: Either with respect or at the sight of her. She couldn’t tell. She received the Nation Flag with much pride. 2 stray tears rolled out of her eyes. She didn’t make any effort to clean her face. These tears were for him, his love. He deserved them. Her last ever gift to him, who was no more with her in life.

2 months later:

She gave birth to a beautiful and healthy son. Looking at her son’s face, she secretly searched for another face. She could hear him talking excitedly about his son, his plans for their son and so much more. She congratulated him silently.

Wania came in and sat beside her. She smiled when she tried to poke a finger at her brother’s eyes. “Baba kahan hain?”

: “ALLAH JEE k pass.”

[A] martyr’s privileges are guaranteed by Allah; forgiveness with the first gush of his blood, he will be shown his seat in paradise, he will be decorated with the jewels of belief, married off to the beautiful ones, protected from the test in the grave, assured security in the day of judgment, crowned with the crown of dignity, a ruby of which is better than this whole world and its entire content, wedded to seventy-two of the pure Houris (beautiful women of Paradise) and his intercession on the behalf of seventy of his relatives will be accepted.

Mutaqqi: the word!

Surah Ad Dukhan (51-57)

“Bila shuba mutaqqi log hoon gey aman ki jaga mien, yani baghun aur chasmoon mien. Pehne huwe hoon gey libas, hareer o debah k ik dosre k amne samne baithey hoon gey. Yeh ho g un ki shan aur bia dien gey hum un ko gori gori aho chasm auratoon se. talb karien gey who wahan har tarhan k lazeez phal aur khaien gey poore itmeenan se. na chakhien gey who wahan maza maut ka siwae pehli maut k aur bacha ley ga inhien ALLAH jahanum k azab se. yeh fazl ho ga tere rab ka, yehi hai azeem kamyabi.”

Translation:"As to the Righteous (they will be) in a position of Security,mong Gardens and Springs;Dressed in fine silk and in rich brocade, they will face each other;Moreover, We shall join them to Companions with beautiful, big, and lustrous eyes.There can they call for every kind of fruit in peace and security;Nor will they there taste Death, except the first death; and He will preserve them from the Penalty of the Blazing Fire--As a Bounty from thy Lord! that will be the supreme achievement!"

I read the above ayaat and got totally stuck in one word. ‘Mutaqqi’ which means ‘the pious’. I looked at the world outside the Quran page and found myself at total loss. Of course, I have blind faith in each n every Quranic word. I mean all of us have but I couldn’t help but secretly feel that our world n this Quranic world are opposite of eachother. Not that I wanted to created any controversies and get myself a fatwa . it was just this word that was making me uneasy.

I remembered several incidents of my life. Once, I along with my family went to some friends of my father. They were Syed by caste.  Since I had been raised in a very closed circle so my mental flight was quiet limited. I actually feel stupid everytime I remember how I gawked at the sight of them. Uncle was a long lost friend and my dad was meeting him after years and as for us, we were meeting for the very first time. His daughters were quiet beautiful. Tall, slender, pretty and very modern. (‘God! We are so paindo’ I thought looking at my simple cotton dress and white shawl covering my head n body)

As soon as we settled in, the eldest daughter showed her dislike towards my shawl. I felt my face grow hot and gave a very crispy reply to her ( not necessary to quote)

But what caught me by surprise was her reply : “x cuz me ! we are syed. You cant talk to us like that!!!”

Another time I remember a baba jee, as soon as he knew my name he started to look at me with strange respect which undoubtedly spooked me out.  And later I came to know that it was my name. According to him, half of my sins are already exempted. I was like wow..

So you see, the word totally spun the reality. I felt bad for the poor people who were living in fool’s paradise.

Surah e At tur (17-20)

Yaqeenan mutaqi baghoon aur naimatoon men hoon gey. Lutf le rahe hoon gey un cheexun ka jo ata farmai hain inhien in k rab ne, aur bacha le ga in ko in ka Rab azab e jahanum se.( in se kaha jaye ga) khao aur peo maze se, siley men in aimal k jot um kerte rahe ho.woh taqiye lagaye baithey hoon gey Qatar andar Qatar aur bia dien gey hum inhien khobsurat ankhoon wali hoorun se.

Translation: "As to the Righteous, they will be in Gardens, and in Happiness,-Enjoying the (Bliss) which their Lord hath bestowed on them, and their Lord shall deliver them from the Penalty of the Fire.(To them will be said:) "Eat and drink ye, with profit and health, because of your (good) deeds."They will recline (with ease) on Thrones (of dignity) arranged in ranks; and We shall join them to Companions, with beautiful big and lustrous eyes."

I mean with these false concepts , where do we stand. I sometimes imagine myself at the judgement day. In my mind I see it as my final year presentation with ALLAH being the only panel and angels ready to hand me out the results. And suppose ALLAH asks me about my deeds and the reasons. Will I give reasons like since my name was so Islamic, I thought you wont punish me *blush*. OH No..!

This scares the hell out of me.

But wait what is the definition of ‘mutaqi’ by the way? I know what pious means. But we are talking about practical things not literal meaning.

I remember Hazrat Umer (R.A)’s quote where he exemplified the difficulties of life and living in this world by walking in a dense thorny forest, with the challenge that you will come out clean. And no thorn will tear your clothes.

How difficult is that!? I don’t think restricting yourself to the 5 pillars is enough. Being pious means your every move, every step, every action, every word, every intension should be clean and for ALLAH.

Surah at tur ( Ayyat21)

“Aur wo log jo eman laye aur chali un k naqshe qadm per un ki olad kissi darjae eman mien, mila dien gey hum in k sathus olad ko aur na ghataien gey hum un k emal men se kuch b. har insaan apne kamaye huwe emal k badle mien rehn hai.”


Translation: "and those who believe and whose families follow them in Faith,- to them shall We join their families: Nor shall We deprive them (of the fruit) of aught of their works: (Yet) is each individual in pledge for his deeds."

May ALLAH provide us with true guidance and give us internal strength to use our wisdom for the search of true path and seek Raza e Ilahi. Amen.

WHAT A GUY WANTS?

After years of intense research, I am finally writing the essence of my studies. This world is a strange place and to add to it, it’s being run by the most complicated species. What!? Chimpanzee?  Not really but very similar to it... ya right MAN!

 Since childhood I had heard people saying phrases like: ‘women are so impossible to understand’

‘It takes a life time to understand a woman’

‘No one has yet been able to define the heart n making of a woman’ blah blah…

But tell you what? This is all bullshit.

An unnecessary hype created by our beloved counter gender... May be they wanted to divert the world’s attention... whatever!

I have seen so many girls crying over the same line: “I dono who chahta KIA hai?”

And tell you what? It’s true, a man never reveals his heart to a woman... out of complex (inferiority or superiority  ... God knows!!)

I feel so sorry for the girls who get into relationships and to add in the misery they vow to end this up in marriage and in this struggle they give up their own selves. And THIS is their mistake. They just blindly follow the orders of a stupid ass to get a smile in return and by the time the man ditches the girl because ‘she is not the one I loved’, a girl is left with nothing. (spilt milk!)

I don’t get this psyche seriously, why do you want to change the poor soul at all? I think the first time you saw her, she was NOTHING like your dream girl, what the hell is wrong with you now? * Duh*

  Usually there is a phrase that guys use as a pet advice: “larki k peeche jitna bhago gey who tum se utna dur bhagey g”

But sesly this is so applicable on guys… if you keep them in their limits they will always know that they are talking to a human being and not a robot. And this will help them keep their attitude under control.

Bano Qudsia wrote in one of her books: “azal se mard ka masla mohabbat raha hai aur aurat ka shadi”

Men can never get enough of this love thingy… I heard that Rivers Dajla n Euphrates are from heavens and they will never dry... I think something of the same kind flows from a man’s heart too...  I mean what else explains a love affair resulting in marriage, then another affair, another, another n another (not resulting in marriage) and if a man is lucky the last one ends in marriage.. again!

But funny is the fact the as soon as molvi sahib says ‘Amen’ after nikkah, dhulha mian starts to regret the fact ‘shabeena ko kiun kaha, kaash samina ko keh deta.. yeh to mujhe moti lag rahi hai’ ..lol…

Too bad I chose to be an environmental scientist in life… otherwise I would have surely invented an instrument that could tell the updates of a man’s heart... I mean who wants to know about the fractions of phosphorus in human and cattle waste (my final year project = [ )

But there are 2 sides of the coin… as much as I like my debate on men; I cannot ignore the fact the women are also to be blamed. Men are jus as much human as you are (with of course some changes). Why treat them like Gods. It’s a common trend in our society, we give so much importance to the son that he eventually looses contact with earth n takes permanent residency in skies. This is unnatural. Mothers don’t realize it, but this is unhealthy for the child. And to some extend its injustice.

If u ask me, I’d tell you to treat humans like humans. Gender comes after humanity. If you are not a good human being, nobody gives a damn to your organs!

Even Allah says in Quran: “ aur ALLAH hadh se tajavaz kerne waloon ko napasand kerta hai.”

So we should all act within our limits.

And as far as the question ‘what a guy wants?’ is concerned, I think that varies from person to person … you never know there might be some intelligent women out there who have already gotten the secret J …

And me?? I cant wait to apply some well thought tactics on my guy =p  [if he comes to me in this life time]

BOL Beti Bol....!!

When the baby girl buried alive is asked, for what sin she was killed

: “Aur jab zinda dargoor larki se poocha jaye ga  k who kiss gunah mien marri gai: (surah at taqweer Ayyat 8 , 9)

No doubt this ayaat is with reference to the Arab tradition where the birth of a girl was considered as a stigma on white turbans of the proud fathers who couldn’t take the blame for the X chromosome.

It was 1400 years ago, and we call it “the dark time” but ask the innocent daughter of new age and she’ll call that period less darker than today. I will, at least.

A child with the age of not more than a few hours, if she is buried alive, how much she has to suffer before dying? I think it was quiet thoughtful of them to kill them for once and for all, unlike today. Where a daughter is given birth, raised and married... And this long process, she is killed many times.

In the name of honor, respect, pride,love, bet, rivalry and for the sake of sons.

I wonder, On Judgment day when Allah will ask the buried baby girl for her death, how many times will He ask us, the daughters who live....and die each day.

The daughters who are born to drunk and wild fathers and suffer because of the men who are proud to call themselves fathers and brothers. The innocent girl of 13 who was married to a 70 year old man because her father had lost her in gambling. Or the poor girl of 16 who was declared as ‘wani’, only because she would other wise share the inherited land.

The young lady who refused to bed the feudal lord and was served to the dogs for dinner. Will that pain ever pinch men? Each bite, each scratch... Each tear, each prayer... no answer...

The victim of gang rape, unacceptable for the family and society and the proud culprits, still the heads, still the authority.

The girl, who wanted to marry a Muslim man and was murdered because she dared to choose, The liberty ALLAH has given her, but the liberty society has snatched from her.

And four daughters in a row were butchered by their father with a testament that it had dawned upon him by ALLAH!

“Curse be on those, who falsify Allah’s word”

“Aur jhootun per Allah ki lanaat ho”(Al-Quran)

I have no voice. I am dumb. I am bound. I am speechless. My tongue is tied and my lips are sealed.

“I really want to travel to Makkah aur ALLAH k ghar ki chaddar pakkar ker I want to ask him WHY me…

Answer me, for heaven’s sake... kiun ALLAH kiun?

Kon sa azaab hai, naam to batao waja to batao… ghalti to batao.. phir do saza..

Ya yeh batao ALLAH k yeh azmaish hai kia?? Yeh mohabbat hai kia?? Aaiisii hoti hai mohabbat? Kiss cheez ka emtihaan hai?

Ya Mohammad k pass jaun? Bataien mujhe Ya Rasul ALLAH(s.a.w) ,,, ALLAH se kahien ap ko wahi karien.. Jabrial (A.S)ko bheejien.. Jawab laien Arsh se, Loah e mehfooz se… merii saza ki waja batien… qayamat ka intazar kon kare Ya Rasul Allah (s.a.w).. bht durr hai.. yahan to har lamha qayamat hai… har rah pul sirat hai…

Jab Umer(R.A) ne sawal kia to jawab mila Mohaamad ko(s.a.w).. mene sawal kia hai to mujhe b jawab dilaien..  App ki umat se hun,. Ap per haq hai mera. Ap ki dua per, ap ki rehmat, shafqat per, ap k saey per..

Kon sa ism perhoon Ya Allah.. kon sa vird karoon?

Ansoo beekar mere, dua be-asar.. I have failed every test..

Ik nazar ni hoti…

Khak hona perta hai..  aur jo Dil pehle se khak ho to?? Koi faida nhi? Allah jee ap kab se zahhir ko dekhne lagey?

Jiss ka dil khoon k ansoo rota ho.. us ki ankh k pani ki kitni qeemat ho g?

Jiss ki rooh har waqt Kabbah ka twaff kare, us k naseeb mien bait ul Allah se itni durri q?

Jo apna har dukh Mustafa k rozey ki jali ko tham k sunaye, us ki shunwai men takheer q?”

These are the words that come from the hearts of the daughters of Ummat but they die on their way to lips. The way from heart to tongue is long and we are very docile. Our strength is weaker than the strengths of the egos and our words are no match to the hands that beat us to silence.

These two pages, these few words are written with bleeding hands. They are not enough and not effective... They wont ever be...

We are the silent victims of ALLAH’s creation. We are the daughters of today’s world.

Prayer or escape!?

Today while i was walking towards my tailor's shop, a car sped by me and i managed to read a line printed at the back screen. :" ALLAH MUJH KO AAISA BANA DEY K TUJH KO PASAND AA JAUN"
well, many such statements are uttered in prayers daily by us but i dont know why, at that moment it struck me as funny.
I remembered an Ayyat from Quran: "And if your Lord had so willed, He could surely have made mankind one Ummah, but they will not cease to disagree. Except him on whom your Lord has bestowed His mercy, and for that did He create them. And the Word of your Lord has been fulfilled (His saying): "Surely, I shall fill Hell with Jinn and men all together.'' (Surah Hud. Ayaa' 118. 119)

Now now, I admit that prayers like above are a work of innocence and oblivion. Ignorance, if i dare to be a bit more straight forward and brutal in my choice of words. Think deeply and it'll occur to you that statements like these are not only our prayers but also our blind belief. I strongly feel that people here misunderstand the Ayyat of Quran where Allah says
 " Verily, his command, when He intends a thing, is only that He says to it, :Be," and it is."
Translation:"Aur us ki shan yeh hai k jab woh kissi kam ka irada kerta hai to kehta hai ho ja to woh ho jati hai."  (Surah Yaseen. Ayat : 82)

As far as my fragile knowledge is, i think this Ayyat refelects the sovreigniety of ALLAH, Al mighty. the fact that nothing is world falls out of his grip and everything happens because of his profound will and the moment he needs the feel to create something (physical or scenarios) He, orders it "to be". This Ayaat is actually in context with the resurrection of people which is one of the biggest question mark for the people who donot follow Islam.

So coming back to the line which started all this argument, i donot say that its right or wrong. But the point is psychological. Its quiet simple, Allah  has made you a human, He gave you all the wisdom in this world, opened up roads to reasearch for you, what else do you want? Now, its in your hand to be evil or saint.
Coming to think of it, he has actually made you a Muslim, by birth. you are luckier than billions in the world. You cant just expect ALLAH to run your errands because you are too lazy a bone to move. plus this false ignorance is gonna stand no chance in His divine court. I think its time we open our eyes and smell the coffee. enough of this act. we are born to take charge of things. drive your won car lest you love getting smacked by so-called super powers.

Or may be, we are so used to Begging, that we cant help beg Allah to forgive us, make us good give us the comforts of heaven without our intension, our hard-work, without moving one bit. May be we want it to be like Hollywood or Walt Disney - even better! one day when i wake up, i am all saint :)
I wish I knew a spell that would wake the sordid soul of Muslims. Prayer is my spell....

Auth0r's nOte!

All the writings here are a work of fiction. I donot intend to disheart, discourage, manipulate, change, or distort anyone including mine image, personal opinions, facts, triditions or point of view.
the stories that have "I" as main character are not true. I take this " I" to be the representative of so many people out there who share the same interests and ponder over the same lines. but may be they are too busy to give it all a second thought or may be they donot find enough courage or they might simply not be pals with their pens. I, on the other hand, have no such obstacles in my path.

I am basically a student. not by profession but by nature. my major includes every science and art subject that exists in the world. for i belive that if i take up the challenge, this world will open up to me.
my questions are not restricted then why should my answers be?  I have decided to explore.

ALLAH says in Quran, in Surah e Alaq :" Periye apne Rab k naam se, jiss ne paida kia sab ko. Insaan ko jamey huwe khoon se paida kia. 
Periye aur AAP(s.a.w) ka rab sab se bara kareem hai, jiss ne qalam se seekhaya, insaan ko seekhaya jo woh na janta tha.
Hargiz nahi, insaan agar apne taien beperwa dekhta hai to sarkashi kerta hai. 
Beshak apne rab ki taraf lautna hai. kia AAP (s.a.w) ne usey dekha jo rokta hai ik bande ko jab woh namaz perhe, bhala dekho, agar yeh hidayat per hota ya perhaizgaari ka hukam deta. 
Bhala dekhien agar iss ne jhutlaya aur mun morra, kia iss ne na jana k ALLAH dekh raha hai? hargiz nahi, agar baaz na aya to paishani k baaloon se pakar ker zaroor ghaseetey hey. 
kaisi paishani? jhoti, gunahgar. 
To bula ley apni majlis ko, hum bulatey hain piadoon ko, nahi nahi, us ki baat na maan aur sajda ker aur nazdeek ho" ( Ayaate sajda)

p.s: i am open for comments and feed back. i donot expect anyone to agree with my words because it would be against nature. we can only make a difference, if we dare to differ!

She : the sequel..

She was certainly one of the most attractive girls in the crowd. There was an aura of decency and secrecy around her that caught the attention of the one looking at her, and her eyes, darting in all the directions, scanning things and x-raying people as if she would know their deepest secrets by just a glance and yet she appeared so uninterested. Like there was nothing in her surroundings that could keep her busy even for a few seconds. She was wearing black jeans and a dull pink t shirt that bore the F word very boldly. She had dyed some fragments of her hair blue that hung loosely over her shoulders. Her black backpack was decorated with badges and key chains and other accessories. Her wrists were full of bands and chains. Even with the weirdest of the dressing, there was none in the crowd, who would dare pass a rude comment, or gesture. She had a grace.


It was until after midnight but she was still wide awake. Something was constantly nagging her, and she felt very irritated. Throwing the sheets off her, she tiptoed to her writing table and switched on the table lamp. Pulling her dear diary from under the pile of books, she began unloading herself, hardly ever stopping to read what she was writing. Tears started to mound in her eyes and began running down her cheeks.She didn’t make any effort to stop herself. She finished writing and closed the dairy putting it back into its place; she slid back under her sheets and closed her eyes. She was in for a sound sleep.

It must have been near to zero that morning; the weather was still very cloudy as if it would start raining any second. She lay in her bed, thinking about the tough day ahead. She wished she could close her eyes now and excuse herself even for the Day of Judgment. Impossible. She took a deep sigh and came out of her cozy bed. First encounter with the cold sent a shiver down her spine.Trembling she went inside the washroom, the splash of the cold water over her face made her draw a sharp breath. It made her smile.
Putting on layers of warm clothing, under and over her uniform, she thought about her undone homework. It was the least of her worries. Within fifteen minutes she was all set to go out and struggle through another harsh day.

The chirping of a bird made her look up. It was a bright and fine winter day. The sun felt so good against her cold skin. She had been sitting on that wall for quite sometime. She needn’t count hours. It was her favorite spot in her neighborhood. Peaceful, calm and without any intrusion, her concept of heaven matched this location perfectly. Few people had passed her since her arrival there; they all had the same curious expressions and a smile that she was unable to decipher. She hardly cared.   Nothing mattered to her except for her own presence. It gave her pleasure to be with her own self. The charisma of the place was blocking all the unpleasant memories. She was grateful to have an automatic system like that. As she saw the silhouettes grow longer she knew she has less time now. Taking a deep breath she came back to the reality, picking her things up, she started to walk away, never looking back.

She stopped writing suddenly as if she had lost all the interest. Staring blankly at the unfinished line, she put her pen down. A sad smile touched her lips for a moment, she knew nothing will make her finished this script now.It was as if she’d been deprived of the words that were previously dawning upon her. She looked at the clock and wondered how she will manage to pass the day now with nothing to do. Even though it was her routine, she still wondered the same thing each day. Nothing in her life met the end.

                 

She turned the page of the book with distasteful expressions as if it was some bitter tablet she was forced to swallow. She scanned the whole page without any enthusiasm and threw it aside. Folding her arms on her chest, she did nothing for a few minutes, allowing herself to relax.Then she picked another book from the pile that she had dumped at her bedside. She rejected it by just looking at the cover, some had titles she didn’t approve and others had writers she thought had no right to write a book. She was clearly bored. She turned on the radio. Dj seemed to be blabbering and the music was nothing but noise. She turned it off. She realized that she had a headache. She decided to get back to the only interesting time pass she had. She started staring out of her window.

She twisted and turned, uneasy in her sleep. She could hear a siren far away, like an emergency alarm. It was all in her mind but she couldn’t ignore it. She heard someone walking quietly outside her room; she opened her eyes but couldn’t see anything in the pitch black darkness. She sat up in her bed.  Delicate moonlight was trying to peep through the cuts of the curtains. She heard the hurried footsteps grow faint. For what seemed like a lifetime, she sat there trying to calm her racing heartbeat then she laid back and hugged her pillow as tightly as she could. It was her only source of solace.

She had been sitting silently by the fireplace without moving at all. Anyone could take her for a mannequin, if she weren’t breathing. She could see the past events of her life like a film. Her muscles were tensing and relaxing from time to time. The cloudy evening had made the whole environment very sad yet very enchanting. The sound of the pouring rain on the metal roof gave a very eerie effect. Suddenly she got up and took her dear diary out of its usual place. Searching for a match box she found it near the fireplace. Grabbing it, she made her way out on balcony. She tore the first page and lit it. Then one by one she burnt it all, setting herself free from the ghost of her past that had haunted her for so long. She watched the pages turning into ashes. Relief spread across her face. She had turned her past into history.

She was sitting at the brink of a cliff. Several meters down she could see water, Dark and deep. She wondered what lay in the bottom. Her guess was peace. It was raining hard that day. Everything was misty and she could not see the mountains surrounding her because of the dense fog. It felt good to be covered with something, as if she had become invisible for the world. Fog was hiding her fears and secrets. She wished to leave them behind when she set off to her new journey. She hated her secrets and lies. She looked up at the sky and felt the thick sheet of water hitting her face hard. She wanted to melt away right there. She stood up, rising her both arms in the air, she jumped of the cliff, headlong into the mystical water. A new journey had begun.

HE.... the perished love!

The patient was brought in an emergency in the middle of the night. He had incurred serious injuries, the blood covered face indicated handsome features. Right now, his strong body was laying lump on the stretcher. His arrival stirred the otherwise quite environment of the emergency room. The doctor on duty was alerted at once. He was a middle aged man; his features were soft and spoke of wisdom. He rushed forward and took charge. Giving off hurried instructions to his staff, he felt a pang of pity for the patient.

As he started to walk away, he spotted a girl, leaning across the door’s frame. In all the hurry, nobody seemed to have noticed her. She had also sustained injuries; he could tell that she was in pain. The doctor approached her but surprisingly she ignored him and ran towards where the patient had been taken. She absolutely refused to leave the patient there on the mercy of doctors. Understanding the trauma she might be going through, doctor treated her in the same room. The patient had been given the initial treatment and was shifted to the ICU. She had to leave him.  Two hours later, doctor came back to check on the patient, it took him by surprise to see her standing in the very same position looking through glass window. Her eyes were set on the patient’s bruised face. He hadn’t seen her cry once since her arrival; instead she had turned into a tear herself. Every inch of her was wailing silently. Years and years of practice in hospital had turned him somewhat, stoic towards the injuries and the pain but at the moment where night was blending into a new day, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for the pretty girl.  For the first time in the whole time he looked at her closely. She was fair and had dark hair, some fragments of which were dyed blue and they hung loosely over her shoulders. She wasn’t a neat freak. Wrist band and bracelets covered her wrists. She was wearing a black jeans and black jacket.

She sensed his presence and titled her neck a little to see who it was. Her eyes were very dark, almost black. Black hole was the word that popped into his mind. There was nothing in those eyes, like those deep wells that ended up nowhere in earth.  He tried to judge what was going inside her head by looking at her face and expressions but he failed. Her face was blank as sheet. Not even pain was registered there. He felt disappointed and wondered who she was and what made her stand in the chilly corridor for the patient. What the hell was she thinking!

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

She heard the doctors footsteps grow fainter. She took a deep sigh and rested her head against the window. She couldn’t believe it was him, lying their covered with a white sheet as if he were dead. But how can he be dead. She knew he can’t die. Not like that.  Suddenly, she found herself traveling back in time.

She had been sitting quietly on her favorite wall, doing catharsis. Life had been so strange, not once in her 19 years of life she felt related. On the contrary, she always found herself to be an alien. She never understood which of the two parties was defected: world or herself.

She was so deeply engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the stranger approaching her. It was his intended cough that broke her train of thought. Displeasure spread across her face, she did less to hide it. She hated the intrusion and made it very clear to the stranger by her gestures. She took no time in walking away from the place. She hated him for breaking in into her privacy. Who the hell was he!

In the coming days, she encountered him many times and every time she replied his smile with a cold stare. She was sure her stare was cold enough to change the physical state of liquid into ice but it was he, who seemed to take no notice of it. Her irritation level rose each time she saw him. Many a times she walked towards her favorite wall only to find him sitting there already. What the hell does he want!

Days passed by and she grew tired of the irritation or maybe she had just compromised with his presence. In her mind, she had accepted him to be a part of that wall and stopped feeling uneasy at his presence. She started to go there again for she couldn’t stay away from that place for much long. A part of soul lived there. 

She was used to having non living things as her secret keepers, may be that’s why it took her so long to accept a breathing soul as her friend and when she finally did, she felt so deeply affiliated to him as she was the lost part of him. She would just sit and look into those honey-colored eyes and see a whole new world waiting. It was another alien feeling: To love and to be loved.

It caught her off guard completely, the strength of his feeling and that of her own and the bond they shared. He would know of the prefect thing to say to her, surprising her every time with his care and love and his capability of making her joyous. He had built her a house on cloud number 9! And in return she had given her everything she owned, her heart, mind, soul, her thoughts, her love, care and trust. She had rested her life in his hands. He was all she had ever owned.

She came into reality when the nurse on duty politely asked her to go home and rest. She noticed that that broad daylight had spread in the corridor. Rest, how could she go away when she could see him suffering? She nodded her head and tried to concentrate again on him but she felt dizzy. She tried to keep herself upright but the world before her was swaying and before she could understand anything she fell down hitting the ground with a force. Everything went black.

It was the month of September, the sky that evening was very clear and clouds had formed strange shapes. She spent sometime trying to give funny names to the cloud shapes but soon turned her attention to the book she had meant to read for so long. It was a love story; she loved it until the hero met an unfortunate end and died. The intensity of the story made her heart ache and she couldn’t help but cry. For the girl, the guy and for the very love that was there and the unfortunate end they met. She needed her consoler. And as soon as his name popped into head, the phone rang. He couldn’t make out a single word through her muffled voice and sobbing, but listened to her nevertheless.

She remembered him coming to her house after sometime and taking her to the beach. She sat on a rock and folded her arms around her legs and rested her head over them. He sat near her. Night fell: Long and silent. She refused to go home. He didn’t insist. When she got tired of sitting, she rested her head on his shoulder .it was the first ever intimate contact between them. He spread his arm around her and took her in his strong embrace.  She remembered falling asleep in his sweet embrace that night on that beach rock. Her head resting upon his chest and hand placed directly over his heart. She loved the beating motion of the heart and wanted to thank the organ for pumping life into him. She woke up when the sun ray hit her face. For some time she couldn’t understand where she was. She looked up to see his smiling face. She couldn’t believe he sat there all night and never moved, only to let her sleep peacefully. He took care of her like she was a doll made of glass, delicate and precious. She felt shy being so close to him, but his casual attitude gave her confidence. She loved being with him, every moment of it. She so wished she had a stop watch. She would have frozen the time, right then and there! Forever.

A prick in her arm stirred up her senses. She opened her eyes and found herself laid down in white bed. It was a hospital bed. She remembered everything and regretted it. She had no idea how much time had passed but it was hours for she could see the sun going down in the sky. The sky was red like a mourner’s blood shot eyes. She saw the doctor coming, and tried to sit, couldn’t so she dropped the idea. He gave her an encouraging smile but some how she felt as if he was hiding something. His smile gave him away. She again tried to get up, this time the doctor help her. She tied her laces, one of which came loose again, as always. She remembered this to be their joke. He always called the loose lace her, because it could never be tightened. She walked passed the doctor, entered the lobby and moved towards the ICU. She didn’t enter it; she had already seen the empty bed through the glass window. Her heart was ripped off her chest. She drew in a breath with difficulty. A pang of pain traveled across her body but she didn’t care. She knew it was just the beginning of it. There was a long way to go and he had left her with this as her companion.

She dropped her head and made her way to the exit. The doctor tried to say something to comfort her but found himself deprived of words. Before she disappeared from his sight, he saw a single tear make its ways out of her eye and ran down her cheek. She took no notice of it.

 The doctor took a deep sigh and tried to imagine what her life would be like from now onwards. He had no idea.